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CHAPTER V.
HIS TUTORSHIP--SICKNESS--INVITATION TO NORTHAMPTON--PERSONAL NARRATIVE
CONTINUED--DIARY CONCLUDED.
In Sept. 1723, Mr. Edwards went to New-Haven, and received his degree
of Master of Arts, when he was elected a tutor in the college. About
this time, several congregations invited him to become their minister;
but being fond of study, and conscious how much it would promote his
usefulness, he declined their proposals. As there was no immediate
vacancy in the office of tutor, he passed the ensuing winter and
spring at New-Haven, in study, and in the occasional discharge of the
active duties of his profession, and in the beginning of June, 1724,
entered on the instruction of a class in the college.
The period of his tutorship was a period of great difficulty. For a
long time before the election of Mr. Cutler to the office of rector,
the college had been in a state of open revolt against the legal
government, and had withdrawn from New-Haven. Two years after his
election, in Jan. 1721, there was an universal insurrection of the
students, which though, after considerable effort, apparently quieted,
resulted in a state of extreme disorder and insubordination, beyond
any thing that had been known before. In 1722, Mr. Cutler, one of the
tutors, and two of the neighbouring ministers, renounced their
connexion with the presbyterian church, and publicly declared
themselves episcopalians. The shock, occasioned by this event, was
very great in the college, in the town, and throughout the colony; and
a series of controversies grew out of it, which lasted for many years.
In consequence of this, the offices of these gentlemen were vacated,
and the college was left for four years without a head; the trustees
residing by turns at the college, and each in rotation acting as
vice-rector for a month. Fortunately however for the institution,
during this bereavement, it had three gentlemen in the office of
tutor, of distinguished talents and scholarship, and of great
resolution and firmness of character:--Mr. William Smith, of the class
of 1719, and chosen tutor in 1722; Mr. Edwards; and Mr. Daniel
Edwards, his uncle, class-mate and room-mate, who was chosen in Sept.
1724. On these three gentlemen, all of whom were young men, devolved
almost exclusively the government and instruction of the college; yet,
by their union, energy, and faithfulness, they introduced among the
students, in the room of their former negligence and misrule, habits
of close study and exact subordination; and in no great length of
time, rendered the institution flourishing and prosperous beyond what
it had long been. The late President Stiles, who, though a member of
college a considerable time after this period, was personally
acquainted with the three gentlemen, and knew well the history of
their administration, has left an eulogy on the three united, of the
highest character. "The Honourable William Smith, the Honourable
Daniel Edwards, and the Rev. President Edwards, were the pillar
tutors, and the glory of the college, at the critical period between
Rector Cutler and Rector Williams. Their tutorial renown was great and
excellent. They filled and sustained their offices with great ability,
dignity, and honour. For the honour of literature these things ought
not to be forgotten."
Sept. 1725, immediately after the commencement, as he was preparing to
set out for his father's house, he was taken suddenly ill, at
New-Haven; but hoping that the illness was not severe, and anxious to
be at home if he was to be sick, he set out for Windsor. The fatigue
of travelling only increased his illness, and he was compelled to stop
at North-Haven, at the house of the Rev. Mr. Stiles, where he was
confined, by severe sickness, about three months: during the greater
part of this time, his mother was constantly with him. Her husband,
writing to her on the 20th of October, begs her to spare herself. "I
am afraid you are taking too great a burden on yourself, in tending
your son both day and night. I beg of you, therefore, not only to take
care of him, but of yourself also. Accept, rather, of the kindness of
neighbours, in watching over again, than outbid your own strength,
which is but small, by overdoing." She could not leave him till about
the middle of November; and it was some time in the winter before he
could go to his father's house. In this sickness, he speaks of himself
as having enjoyed new, and most refreshing, manifestations of the
presence and grace of God.
After he had held the office of tutor upwards of two years, with the
highest reputation, he received proposals from the people of
Northampton to become their minister. Many circumstances conspired to
prompt his acceptance. He was familiarly acquainted with the place and
people. The Rev. Mr. Stoddard, his grandfather, a man of great
dignity, and of singular weight and influence in the churches, in
consequence of his advanced age, stood in need of his assistance, and
wished him to be his colleague. His parents and his other friends all
desired it. The situation was in itself respectable, and the town
unusually pleasant. He therefore resigned his tutorship, in Sept.
1726, and accepted of the invitation.
"Those who are conversant with the instruction and government of a
college, will readily be aware that the period, of which we have now
been speaking, was a very busy portion of Mr. Edwards's life; and if
they call to mind the circumstances of the institution, and the habits
of the students, when he entered on his office, they will not need to
be informed, that the discharge of his official duties must have been
accompanied with painful anxiety. It is a rare event in Providence,
that so heavy a responsibility is thrown on three individuals so
young, so destitute of experience, and of the knowledge of mankind;
and the business of instruction and government must have occupied
their whole time, and exhausted their whole strength."
"In such a state of things, it was not possible that he should find
the same leisure for spiritual exercises as he had found at New York.
There his business was chiefly to enjoy; here it was to act. There the
persons with whom he continually associated were possessed of uncommon
excellence; here their characters were very different. There his
attention was drawn, by the objects around him, to heavenly things;
here it was necessarily confined almost all the time to this world.
There, when retiring for prayer and heavenly contemplation, his mind
sought communion with God in all its energy and freshness; here, when
it was worn out by toil and exhausted by perplexities. The change in
the current of thought and feeling must, therefore, have been great;
and (so much is the mind prone to measure its religious state by the
amount of daily enjoyment, and so little by the readiness to encounter
trials, and to perform laborious and self-denying duties) it is not
surprising, that he should have regarded this change, as evidence of
perceptible and lamentable declension in religion. Such he in fact
regarded it; as we shall find, both from his Narrative and Diary; yet
it is by no means certain, that his views of the subject were
altogether correct."
"The young Christian has usually a season of leisure, given him in the
providence of God, in which to become acquainted with the members of
that family into which he has lately been introduced, and with those
objects with which as a spiritual being he is in future to be
conversant. His time and his strength are given chiefly to the
Scriptures, to prayer, to meditation, and to religious conversation;
and he is delightfully conscious that his communion is with the
Father, and the Son Jesus Christ, through the fellowship of the Holy
Spirit, as well as with `the whole family both on earth and in
heaven.' The design of this is to open to him his new state of
existence, to enable him to understand its relations and duties, and
to give him an earnest of better things in reversion. It is a most
refreshing and happy period of his life, and, were he designed for
contemplation merely, might well be protracted to its close. But, as
we are taught most explicitly, in the word and Providence of God, his
great worth lies in action--in imitating him whose rule it was--I must
do the work of him that sent me while it is day;' and whose practice
it was that `he went about doing good.' The Scriptures are given by
the inspiration of God, and are profitable for doctrine, for reproof,
for correction, and for instruction in righteousness.--Wherefore? that
the man of God may be perfected, being thoroughly furnished unto every
good work. Probably no year in the life of Mr. Edwards was spent more
usefully, than that in which he was occupied, with his associated, in
laying the foundation of sober habits and sound morals, in the
seminary now intrusted to their care. Probably in no equal period did
he more effectually serve God and his generation. And if, in its
progress, he found less of that enjoyment which grows out of spiritual
contemplation; he must have had the more delightful consciousness,
that in the midst of great difficulties and crosses, he had honestly
endeavoured to serve God, and to perform his duty."
There may therefore be reason for doubt, whether the change in his
feelings, of which he speaks in the succeeding parts of his Narrative
and Diary, was not a declension in this particular species of
religious enjoyment, necessarily growing out of the circumstances in
which he was placed, rather than a declension in the life and power of
religion.
"I continued," he observes, "much in the same frame, in the general,
as when at New York, till I went to New-Haven as tutor of the college;
particularly once at Bolton, on a journey from Boston, while walking
out alone in the fields. After I went to New-Haven, I sunk in
religion, my mind being diverted from my eager pursuits after
holiness, by some affairs that greatly perplexed and distracted my
thoughts.
"In September, 1725, I was taken ill at New-Haven, and while
endeavouring to go home to Windsor, was so ill at the North Village,
that I could go no further; where I lay sick, for about a quarter of a
year. In this sickness, God was pleased to visit me again with the
sweet influences of his Spirit. My mind was greatly engaged there, on
divine and pleasant contemplations, and longings of soul. I observed,
that those who watched with me, would often be looking out wishfully
for the morning; which brought to my mind those words of the psalmist,
and which my soul with delight made its own language; `My soul waiteth
for the Lord, more than they that watch for the morning; I say, more
than they that watch for the morning;' and when the light of day came
in at the window, it refreshed my soul, from one morning to another.
It seemed to be some image of the light of God's glory."
"I remember, about that time, I used greatly to long for the
conversion of some that I was concerned with; I could gladly honour
them, and with delight be a servant to them, and lie at their feet, if
they were but truly holy. But some time after this, I was again
greatly diverted with some temporal concerns, that exceedingly took up
my thoughts, greatly to the wounding of my soul; and went on, through
various exercises, that it would be tedious to relate, which gave me
much more experience of my own heart than I ever had before."
That the mind of Mr. Edwards was not injured as to its spirituality,
by his official engagements and trials, is sufficiently evident from
these extracts. He was still a holy man of God, whose heart was in
heaven, and with whom converse with God was the highest delight.--The
remainder of his Diary is chiefly confined to the period of his life
which has now been reviewed, and is therefore inserted here. It is
only to be regretted, that through the multiplicity of his affairs, he
should have found it necessary to discontinue it.
REMAINDER OF DIARY.
"Thursday forenoon, Oct. 4, 1723. Have this day fixed and established
it, that Christ Jesus has promised me faithfully, that, if I will do
what is my duty, and according to the best of my prudence in the
matter, that my condition in this world shall be better for me than
any other condition whatever, and more to my welfare to all eternity.
And, therefore, whatever my condition shall be, I will esteem it to be
such: and if I find need of faith in the matter, that I will confess
it as impiety before God. Vid. Resolution 57, and June 9.
Sabbath night, Oct. 7. Have lately erred, in not allowing time enough
for conversation.
Friday night, Oct. 12. I see there are some things quite contrary to
the soundness and perfection of Christianity, in which almost all good
men do allow themselves, and where innate corruption has an
unrestrained secret vent, which they never take notice of, or think to
be no hurt, or cloak under the name of virtue; which things
exceedingly darken the brightness, and hide the loveliness, of
Christianity. Who can understand his errors? O that I might be kept
from secret faults!
Sabbath morning, Oct. 14. Narrowly to observe after what manner I act
when I am in a hurry, and to act as much so at other times as I can
without prejudice to the business.
Monday morning, Oct. 15. I seem to be afraid, after errors and decays,
to give myself the full exercise of spiritual meditation:--Not to give
way to such fears.
Thursday, Oct. 18. To follow the example of Mr. B. who though he meets
with great difficulties, yet undertakes them with a smiling
countenance, as though he thought them but little; and speaks of them
as if they were very small.
Friday night, Nov. 1. When I am unfit for other business to perfect
myself in writing characters.*
Friday afternoon, Nov. 22. For the time to come, when I am in a
lifeless frame in secret prayer, to force myself to expatiate, as if I
were praying before others, more than I used to do.
Tuesday forenoon, Nov. 26. It is a most evil and pernicious practice,
in meditations on afflictions, to sit ruminating on the aggravations
of the affliction, and reckoning up the evil, dark circumstances
thereof, and dwelling long on the dark side: it doubles and trebles
the affliction. And so when speaking of them to others, to make them
as bad as we can, and use our eloquence to set forth our own troubles,
is to be all the while making new trouble, and feeding and pampering
the old; whereas the contrary practice would starve our affliction. If
we dwelt on the bright side of things in our thoughts, and extenuated
them all that we possibly could, when speaking of them, we should
think little of them ourselves, and the affliction would really, in a
great measure, vanish away.
Friday night, Nov. 29. As a help to attention in social prayer, to
take special care to make a particular remark at the beginning of
every petition, confession, &c.
Monday morning, Dec. 9. To observe, whether I express any kind of
fretting emotion, for the next three weeks.
Thursday night, Dec. 12. If, at any time, I am forced to tell others
wherein I think they are somewhat to blame; in order to avoid the
important evil that would otherwise ensue, not to tell it to them so,
that there shall be a probability of their taking it as the effect of
little, fretting, angry emotions of mind.--Vid. Aug. 28. When I do
want, or am likely to want, good books, to spend time in studying
mathematics, and in reviewing other kinds of old learning; to spend
more time in visiting friends, in the more private duties of a pastor,
in taking care of worldly business, in going abroad, and other things
that I may contrive.
Friday morning, Dec. 27. At the end of every month, to examine my
behaviour strictly by some chapter in the New Testament, more
especially made up of rules of life.--At the end of the year, to
examine my behaviour by the rules of the New Testament in general,
reading many chapters. It would also be convenient some time at the
end of the year, to read for this purpose in the book of Proverbs.
Tuesday night, Dec. 31. Concluded never to suffer nor express any
angry emotions of mind, more or less, except the honour of God calls
for it in zeal for him, or to preserve myself from being trampled on.
1724. Wednesday, Jan. 1. Not to spend too much time in thinking, even
of important and necessary worldly business, and to allow every thing
its proportion of thought, according to its urgency and importance.
Thursday night, Jan. 2. These things established,--That time gained in
things of lesser importance, is as much gained in things of greater;
that a minute gained in times of confusion, conversation, or in a
journey, is as good as minute gained in my study, at my most retired
times; and so, in general, that a minute gained at one time is as good
as at another.
Friday night, Jan. 3. The time and pains laid out in seeking the
world, is to be proportioned to the necessity, usefulness, and
importance of it, with respect to another world, together with the
uncertainty of living, and of retaining; provided, that nothing that
our duty enjoins, or that is amiable, be omitted, and nothing sinful
or unbecoming be done for the sake of it.
Friday, Jan. 10. (After having written to a considerable extent in
short hand, which he used, when he wished what he wrote to be
effectually concealed from every one but himself, he adds the
following.) Remember to act according to Prov. xii. 23. A prudent man
concealeth knowledge.
Monday, Jan. 20. I have been very much to blame, in that I have not
been as full, and plain, and downright, in my standing up for virtue
and religion, when I have had fair occasion, before those who seemed
to take no delight in such things. If such conversation would not be
agreeable to them, I have in some degree minced the matter, that I
might not displease, and might not speak against the grain, more than
I should have loved to have done with others, to whom it would be
agreeable to speak for religion. I ought to be exceedingly bold with
such persons, not talking in a melancholy strain, but in one confident
and fearless, assured of the truth and excellence of the cause.
Monday, Feb. 3. Let every thing have the value now which it will have
upon a sick bed: and frequently, in my pursuits of whatever kind, let
this question come into my mind. `How much shall I value this upon my
death-bed?'
Wednesday, Feb. 5. I have not in times past, in my prayers, enough
insisted on the glorifying of God in the world, on the advancement of
the kingdom of Christ, the prosperity of the church, and the good of
man. Determined that this objection is without weight, viz. that it is
not likely that God will make great alterations in the whole world,
and overturnings in kingdoms and nations, only for the prayers of one
obscure person, seeing such things used to be done in answer to the
united prayers of the whole church; and that if my prayers should have
some influence, it would be but imperceptible and small.
Thursday, Feb. 6. More convinced than ever, of the usefulness of free
religious conversation. I find by conversing on natural philosophy,
that I gain knowledge abundantly faster, and see the reasons of things
much more clearly, than in private study: wherefore, earnestly to seek
at all times for religious conversation; for those with whom I can at
all times, with profit and delight, and with freedom, so converse.
Friday, Feb. 7. Resolved, If God will assist me to it, that I will not
care about things, when, upon any account, I have prospect of ill
success or adversity; and that I will not think about it, any further
than just to do what prudence directs to for prevention, according to
Phil. iv. 6. Be careful for nothing; to 1 Pet. v. 7. Cast all your
care upon God, for he careth for you; and again, Take no thought for
the morrow; and again, Take no thought, saying, What shall I eat, and
what shall I drink , and wherewithal shall I be clothed: seek ye first
the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.
Saturday night, Feb. 15. I find that when eating, I cannot be
convinced in the time of it, that if I should eat more, I should
exceed the bounds of strict temperance, though I have had the
experience of two years of the like; and yet as soon as I have done,
in three minutes I am convinced of it. But yet when I eat again, and
remember it, still while eating I am fully convinced that I have not
eaten what is but for nature, nor can I be convinced, that my appetite
and feeling is as it was before. It seems to me that I shall be
somewhat faint if I leave off then; but when I have finished, I am
convinced again, and so it is from time to time.--I have observed that
more really seems to be truth, when it makes for my interest, or is in
other respects according to my inclination, than it seems if it be
otherwise; and it seems to me, that the words in which I express it
are more than the thing will properly bear. But if the thing be
against my interest, the words of different import seem as much as the
thing will properly bear.--Though there is some little seeming
indecorum, as if it looked like affectation, in religious conversation
as there is also in acts of kindness, yet this is to be broke through.
Tuesday, Feb. 18. Resolved, to act with sweetness and benevolence, and
according to the 47th Resolution, in all bodily dispositions,--sick or
well, at ease or in pain, sleepy or watchful; and not to suffer
discomposure of body to discompose my mind.
Saturday, Feb. 22. I observe that there are some evil habits, which do
increase and grow stronger, even in some good people, as they grow
older; habits that much obscure the beauty of Christianity: some
things which are according to their natural tempers, which in some
measure prevail when they are young in Christ, and the evil
disposition having an unobserved control, the habit at last grows very
strong, and commonly regulates the practice until death. By this
means, old Christians are very commonly, in some respects, more
unreasonable than those who are young. I am afraid of contracting such
habits, particularly of grudging to give, and to do, and of
procrastinating.
Sabbath, Feb. 23. I must be contented, where I have any thing strange
or remarkable to tell, not to make it appear so remarkable as it is
indeed; lest through fear of this, and the desire of making a thing
appear very remarkable, I should exceed the bounds of simple verity.
When I am at a feast, or a meal, that very well pleases my appetite, I
must not merely take care to leave off with as much of an appetite as
at ordinary meals; for when there is a great variety of dishes, I may
do that, after I have eaten twice as much as at other meals is
sufficient. If I act according to my resolution, I shall desire riches
no otherwise, than as they are helpful to religion. But this I
determine, as what is really evident from many parts of Scripture,
that to fallen man, they have a greater tendency to hurt religion.
Monday, March 16. To practise this sort of self-denial, when, as
sometimes on fair days, I find myself more particularly disposed to
regard the glories of the world, than to betake myself to the study of
serious religion.
Saturday, May 23. How it comes about I know not, but I have remarked
it hitherto, that at those times when I have read the Scriptures most,
I have evermore been most lively and in the best frame.
at yale college.
Saturday night, June 6. This week has been a very remarkable week with
me, with respect to despondencies, fears, perplexities, multitudes of
cares, and distraction of mind: it being the week I came hither to
New-Haven, in order to entrance upon the office of tutor of the
college. I have now abundant reason to be convinced of the
troublesomeness and vexation of the world, and that it will never be
another kind of world.
Tuesday, July 7. When I am giving the relation of a thing, remember to
abstain from altering either in the matter or manner of speaking, so
much, as that if every one, afterwards, should alter as much, it would
at last come to be properly false.
Tuesday, Sept. 2. By a sparingness in diet, and eating as much as may
be what is light and easy of digestion, I shall doubtless be able to
think more clearly, and shall gain time; 1. By lengthening out my
life; 2. Shall need less time for digestion, after meals; 3. Shall be
able to study more closely, without injury to my health; 4. Shall need
less time for sleep; 5. Shall more seldom be troubled with the
head-ache.
Saturday night, Sept. 12. Crosses of the nature of that which I met
with this week, thrust me quite below all comforts in religion. They
appear no more than vanity and stubble, especially when I meet with
them so unprepared for them. I shall not be fit to encounter them,
except I have a far stronger and more permanent faith, hope, and love.
Wednesday, Sept. 30. It has been a prevailing thought with me, to
which I have given place in practice, that it is best sometimes to eat
or drink, when it will do me no good, because the hurt that it will do
me, will not be equal to the trouble of denying myself. But I have
determined to suffer that thought to prevail no longer. The hurries of
commencement and diversion of the vacancy, has been the occasion of my
sinking so exceedingly, as in the last three weeks.
Monday, Oct. 5. I believe it is a good way, when prone to unprofitable
thoughts, to deny myself and break off my thoughts by keeping
diligently to my study, that they may not have time to operate to work
me to such a listless frame. I am apt to think it a good way when I am
indisposed to reading and study, to read of my own remarks, the fruit
of my study in divinity, &c. to set me a going again.
Friday, Nov. 6. Felt sensibly somewhat of that trust and affiance in
Christ, and with delight committing of my soul to him, of which our
divines used to speak, and about which I have been somewhat in doubt.
Tuesday, Nov. 10. To mark all that I say in conversation merely to
beget in others a good opinion of myself, and examine it.
Sabbath, Nov. 15. Determined, when I am indisposed to prayer, always
to premeditate what to pray for; and that it is better, that the
prayer should be of almost any shortness, than that my mind should be
almost continually off from what I say.
Sabbath, Nov. 22. Considering that by-standers always copy some
faults, which we do not see ourselves, or of which at least we are not
so fully sensible; and that there are many secret workings of
corruption, which escape our sight, and of which others only are
sensible: Resolved, therefore, that I will if I can by any convenient
means, learn what faults others find in me, or what things they see in
me, that appear any way blameworthy, unlovely, or unbecoming.
Friday, Feb. 12, 1725. The very thing I now want, to give me a clearer
and more immediate view of the perfections and glory of God, is as
clear a knowledge of the manner of God's exerting himself, with
respect to spirits and mind, as I have of his operations concerning
matter and bodies.
Tuesday, Feb. 16. A virtue which I need in a higher degree, to give a
beauty and luster to my behaviour, is gentleness. If I had more of an
air of gentleness, I should be much mended.
Friday, May 21. If ever I am inclined to turn to the opinion of any
other sect: Resolved, beside the most deliberate consideration,
earnest prayer, &c. privately to desire all the help that can possibly
be afforded me, from some of the most judicious men in the country,
together with the prayers of wise and holy men, however strongly
persuaded I may seem to be that I am in the right.
Saturday, May 22. When I reprove for faults, whereby I am in any way
injured, to defer till the thing is quite over and done with; for that
is the way, both to reprove aright, and without the least mixture of
spirit, or passion, and to have reproofs effectual, and not suspected.
Friday, May 28. It seems to me, that whether I am now converted or
not, I am so settled in the state I am in, that I shall go on it all
my life. But, however settled I may be, yet I will continue to pray to
God, not to suffer me to be deceived about it, nor to sleep in an
unsafe condition; and ever and anon, will call all into question and
try myself, using for helps some of our old divines, that God may have
opportunities to answer my prayers, and the Spirit of God to show me
my error, if I am in one.
Saturday night, June 6. I am sometimes in a frame so listless, that
there is no other way of profitably improving time, but conversation,
visiting, or recreation, or some bodily exercise. However, it may be
best in the first place, before resorting to either of these, to try
the whole circle of my mental employments.
Nov. 16. When confined at Mr. Stiles's. I think it would be of special
advantage to me, with respect to my truer interest, as near as I can
in my studies, to observe this rule: To let half a day's, or at most a
day's, study in other things, be succeeded by half a day's or a day's
study in divinity.
One thing wherein I have erred, as I would be complete in all social
duties, is, in neglecting to write letters to friends. And I would be
forewarned of the danger of neglecting to visit my friends and
relations when we are parted.
When one suppresses thoughts that tend to divert the run of the mind's
operations from religion, whether they are melancholy, or anxious, or
passionate, or any others; there is this good effect of it, that it
keeps the mind in its freedom. Those thoughts are stopped in the
beginning, that would have set the mind a going in that stream.
There are a great many exercises, that for the present seem not to
help, but rather impede, religious meditation and affections, the
fruit of which is reaped afterwards, and is of far greater worth than
what is lost; for thereby the mind is only for the present diverted;
but what is attained is, upon occasion, of use for the whole
life-time.
Sept. 26, 1726. Tis just about three years, that I have been for the
most part in a low sunk estate and condition, miserably senseless, to
what I used to be, about spiritual things. `Twas three years ago, the
week before commencement; just about the same time this year, I began
to be somewhat as I used to be.
Jan. 1728. I think Christ has recommended rising early in the morning,
by his rising from the grave very early.
Jan. 22, 1734. I judge that it is best, when I am in a good frame for
divine contemplation, or engaged in reading the Scriptures, or any
study of divine subjects, that, ordinarily, I will not be interrupted
by going to dinner, but will forego my dinner, rather than be broke
off.
April 4, 1735. When at any time I have a sense of any divine thing,
then to turn it in my thoughts to a practical improvement. As for
instance, when I am in my mind, on some argument for the truth of
religion, the reality of a future state, and the like, then to think
with myself, how safely I may venture to sell all, for a future good.
So when at any time I have a more than ordinary sense of the glory of
the saints in another world, to think how well it is worth my while to
deny myself, and to sell all that I have, for this glory, &c.
May 18. My mind at present is, never to suffer my thoughts and
meditations at all to ruminate.
June 11. To set apart days of meditation on particular subjects; as,
sometimes to set apart a day for the consideration of the greatness of
my sins; at another, to consider the dreadfulness and certainty of the
future misery of ungodly men; at another, the truth and certainty of
religion; and so, of the great future things promised and threatened
in the Scriptures."