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Commentary Index | Return to PrayerRequest.com | DownloadChristian Courtship by Charles Clarke: 01 - Friendship
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Chapter One
Friendship
During the second seven years of life children like to play with members of their own sex. The boys may be seen at their marbles or football, and the girls at their skipping or rounders. Often they will mix together in their play, but the tendency is to divide according to age and sex. The boy or girl who is especially fond of the opposite sex is abnormal and the literary example of such abnormality is found in the nursery rhyme:
Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
But when the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgy ran away.
At about the age of fourteen, however, a change is noticeable. The opposite sex becomes attractive, and the growing youth and maiden begin to enjoy each other's company. This change may be accompanied by certain social difficulties. The boy may feel awkward in his approach, and stammer and stutter his words of friendship. The girl has fits of giggles, and some easily blush and become self-conscious. All this is because certain natural instinctive powers are awaking which the Creator intends shall eventually lead to the choice of a life partner, and to the consummation of that choice in marriage and family life.
It is important at this stage of a young person's life that he or she is guided aright by wise and sympathetic elders who have not forgotten the difficulties and joys of their own 'teen years. Young people need to be helped to mix together happily in social and recreational activities, and in Christian worship and service. The parents have the greatest responsibility, and the home should be the center of social life. Church leaders also can put young folk in immense debt to them simply by intelligent care in leading them together in Christian activity.
The point is that, there should be fellowship together. It is by happy mixing that this period may be passed through pleasantly and safely. If this experience is normal; out of it will grow that special attraction to one member of the other sex which may lead to the choice of a life-partner. Here are one or two guiding rules that may be helpful at this period.
(1). Respect the personalities of your friends of the opposite sex. There are old rules of chivalry which we would do well to bring back into use. Some are fortunate in their early home life. They have not seen or heard quarrels between father and mother. They have not heard one sex disparage the other. They have noticed that father is courteous in treatment of mother, and mother is thoughtful and affectionate toward father. All this leaves an indelible impression. It has been said: `You can tell, by the way a fellow treats a girl, what sort of a mother he has.'
(2). Control instinctive passion. Powers awaken in us at this time of our life which we must learn to control. In Christian life especially do we repudiate the habits and customs of the world concerning our sex life. Therefore, we eschew the doubtful story, the erotic novel, and the sex appeal stuff of the films. We do not allow our minds to accept the idea that kissing, cuddling, and caressing are the supreme pleasures of adolescence. Indeed it is right and wise for us to make it a rule to cut these things out at this stage. They can wait for later on, and even in courtship they should be the sign, not of passion, but only of that growing love which we are becoming sure is leading to betrothal and marriage.
The reason for this guidance is that we may easily awaken feelings in ourselves and our friend that may be difficult to control, but which would otherwise have lain fairly dormant. Especially is this true of girls. It is very cruel of a boy to seek selfishly his own pleasure even in what he thinks is a harmless flirtation, and then leave a girl with an emotional problem which will torment her for many years.
Not only so but in matters of the heart one party may take certain actions much more seriously than the other. How often persons have been hurt in this way is reflected in the lines of a popular song:
You wanted someone to play with,
But I wanted someone to love.
So, cut it out, Christian lads and lasses, and grow up into the later phases of young manhood and womanhood healthy in mind, spirit, and body. It is a discipline that will make for strong character, and after all, this period soon passes. Now is the time for fun and fellowship together, and, until you are fairly sure that you are really being attracted and led to a life partner, remember the old adage, that there is `safety in numbers'.