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Commentary Index | Return to PrayerRequest.com | DownloadChristian Courtship by Charles Clarke: 03 - Betrothal
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Chapter Three
Betrothal
When an attracted couple, after an adequate time of courtship, are quite sure that they love each other deeply; that in every way they were made for each other, and God's seal is upon their union, then the natural result is to prepare for marriage. This definite contract to marry is called by the beautiful Christian name Betrothal. In our common English usage we say it is an Engagement, for each party has engaged to marry the other. Let us keep in mind this simple meaning: it is a promise to marry. The engagement ring is a sign that such a promise has been given.
(1). In the eyes of the [English] law an engagement is looked upon as a binding contract upon all persons who are of age. Either party can sue the other for breach of promise to marry. We do not expect this to happen in the Christian fellowship, but it is well for those who enter into this contract to remember how seriously the secular law regards it. It is much more than the privilege to display an expensive ring. It is a serious contract.
(2). Christian young people should be taught to regard it as a sacred bond. There are no `ifs' and `buts' about it. If you are engaged you have promised to marry. You belong to your lover as he belongs to you. ` Let your yea be yea.' If the Christian young man finds himself attracted by a girl, but then notices the ring upon the `fourth finger of the left hand', that is enough for him. He knows she doesn't and cannot belong to him. She is betrothed - promised. No honourable man encroaches upon that sacred engagement. Not by the slightest look, word, or action would he detract her heart from her pledged loyalty.
On the other hand a betrothed person having pledged his or her heart to another, never allows that heart to be tempted from its loyalty. If there must be long separation before the arranged marriage can take place, the heart should be guarded carefully. The Christian is loyal above everything. Especially is he and she loyal in regard to this sacred contract. Keep your love and guard your heart.
(3). It will be clear now that there should not be any engagement to marry until both parties have fully made up their minds that they intend to be married, and it is good not to make promises to each other until you are old enough to make up your minds. It takes time to know another person: take time. And, if you seek Divine guidance, give God time.
(4). Engagement should be of short duration. The Christian idea of betrothal comes from the Hebrew custom, according to which the wedding ceremonies had begun with betrothal. Mary is described in Matthew as Joseph's betrothed wife. She was regarded by law as his, although the marriage was not consummated. He could not have broken the betrothal without a bill of divorcement (Mat_1:19). Usually only a few days elapsed between the betrothal and the day when the bride's father took her to the house of the bridegroom for the final marriage ceremony.
Of course, the modern institution of engagement is not as binding as that. The Early Church abandoned the Jewish betrothal and telescoped it into the Marriage Service, but it is significant that the modern custom of engagement grew up and that it is defined in the dictionary in the same way as betrothal. While it is true that a broken engagement is better than a miserable marriage; yet engagement is a promise to marry which should not be made until mutual love and loyalty can be promised with certainty.