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Commentary Index | Return to PrayerRequest.com | DownloadChristian Courtship by Charles Clarke: 04 - Marriage
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Chapter Four
Marriage
Eileen Mackintosh sat in my study nervously twisting her wedding ring. Tears of grief and anger rolled down her cheeks, and every now and then angry words poured from her lips. Her husband had written to say he had finished with her because he had found someone he liked .better. He had asked Eileen to divorce him.
`I don't care for myself,' she said, `I wouldn't want him any more, anyway. I'm angry because he doesn't think more of his baby.' Then she said a strange thing: `Apart from the baby I would release him, because we agreed when we got married that if either of us found someone else we liked better, that we would be willing to release the other.'
`But,' I protested, `that is not Christian marriage.'
Just think of it! They had come to God's house and made solemn vow before God. Each had contracted to take the other:
For better for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
Until death us do part,
According to God's Holy Law.
And yet they had made an agreement between themselves, which gainsaid the very vows they so solemnly made. And now Eileen was humiliated and angry because her husband was recalling for his selfish ends the foolish agreement she had made.
It cannot be emphasized too much that Christian marriage is a sacred life-long contract. We all know what sickness and health means. But do we all realize what `for better or worse' means? Do we know what `until death us do part' means? Or has the English language no meaning? The English [and the American] law, it is true, has arranged for the marriage contract, in certain circumstances, to be legally terminated. But Christian law has not. The pagan, in his registry office, does not say the words quoted above. But the Christian says `for better or for worse'.
In some cases this ideal is very difficult to maintain, but in spite of that it still remains the ideal. That is why training for marriage is so necessary and why I have taken the trouble to write this booklet.
Once marriage has been contracted by Christian man and maid the great task of `getting wed' begins. Just as courtship should take a long time, so getting really wedded takes a long time. To weld two human beings into one is no easy task, however much in love you may be. It is essentially the task of two individuals finding perfect harmony on the three levels of personality.
(1) Physical Harmony
Both bride and bridegroom need the will and knowledge to find this level of harmony. There are many good books written by Christian doctors which give the necessary instruction.
(2) Mental Harmony
This probably has already been largely achieved during courtship. You will already have discovered your identity of interests and have found much intellectual pleasure in pursuing those interests together. But now in the closer fellowship of marriage you will find there are still higher levels of harmony to reach.
(3) Spiritual Harmony
`It takes three to make a good marriage,' Dr. Buchman used to say to his friends, `your two selves and God.' In the Christian marriage service the whole meaning of the ceremony is that God is joining two individuals together in Himself. It is the burden of all the prayers of the service, and it is the one prayer of all Christian friends of the couple who kneel before God.
O perfect Love, all human thought transcending,
Lowly we kneel in prayer before Thy throne,
That theirs may be the love that knows no ending
Whom Thou for evermore dost join in one.
But this wonderful spiritual harmony does not come by a magical act of God. It must be achieved by each partner receiving a spiritual ministry from God and contributing to the other. It means an utterly unselfish surrender of each individual life to God which develops into an active fervent prayer-life. Then it means that these two fervent God-devoted souls pray, much together until at last they see the vision of God's will together. God is able to make His revelations and pursue His personal purposes through both as if they were one. Oh, what glorious possibilities are here!
Don't be discouraged. God gives this blessing to those who mean to have it. And there are glorious examples in the past: John and Elizabeth Fletcher, David and Mary Livingstone [missionaries], Catherine and William Booth [Salvation Army], Thomas and Mary Champness. It may take time, but if you give God time He will lead you to the bliss of Heaven upon earth.