"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthened her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and be praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
This is the remainder of "the words of King Lemuel"-of "the prophecy which his mother taught him." We learn from it on what correct principles that mother estimated the happiness of her son:-how sound, how judicious, and how fully in accordance with the revealed mind of God, the counsel which she thus gave him.-I say, the counsel: because, although the passage contains only a description, yet nothing can be more manifest,-especially when the verses are taken in connexion with the negative and prohibitory admonition in the third verse,-than that counsel is meant to be conveyed. And when we recollect that the passage forms part of an inspired communication, we must regard it not merely as the counsel of Lemuel's mother, but of Lemuel's God.
As introductory to the illustration of the verses, we may observe, that the counsel proceeds upon the assumption of the original state of things,-of the primary and divine constitution of the marriage relation, when "God made a male and a female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh:"-that is, upon the great general principle, which alone has the authority of Heaven, that "Every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband." We do not deny that the same legislative authority which fixed the principle may, in particular cases, grant the suspension of it. But has this ever been done? That good men have acted in violation of the original constitution, is true; but that they had, in any instance, the divine sanction in doing so, is another question. I more than doubt it. Every instance of the kind I believe to have been sin:-nor does there seem ground to make a single exception in affirming, that they who sinned suffered for it; that every departure of the kind brought with it a greater or less degree of unhappiness. In the passage before us, the "virtuous woman" is, beyond question, represented as the one wife of one husband.
The description, it may be remarked, is a regular poem. It is composed on a similar principle with that exemplified in the 119th Psalm. Each verse begins with a different letter, and according to the order of the letters in the alphabet. This, amongst other advantages, was fitted to assist the memory;-and the poem was one well worthy of being committed to the memory of every mother and every daughter in Judea.
Whether the picture was drawn from real life, or merely by the mind of the artist under divine illumination,-the Spirit of God guiding her hand in the sketch,-is a question which we need not be careful to settle. The latter is probably the truth. And the portraiture is a lovely one. It is arrayed, it is true, in the appropriate costume of the country and the age in which it was delineated; but in every country and in every age the features are such as must command admiration. The character, I mean, is sketched with a reference to the peculiar usages of the place and the period; but the great outlines of it, divested of those local and temporary peculiarities, are of permanent and universal excellence.
A "virtuous woman" (verse Pro_31:10.) must not, in this connexion, be understood merely with respect to the single point of honour and chastity. The word here is very comprehensive. It is to be interpreted from the description. It means such a woman;-a woman rightly feeling the various and interesting obligations under which her situations and relations have placed her; and conscientiously and perseveringly discharging the duties arising out of them, under the predominant influence of "pure and undefiled religion"-the fear and the love of God.
What means the question-"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."-1. Rarity. There are comparatively few who come up to the standard which the mother of Lemuel had conceived in her mind. Many may approach to it, in nearer and more remote degrees; but there are few-we might ask, perhaps, are there any?-who have not their peculiar defects and failures. Thus the happy husband of such a wife as is here described, is represented as saying-verse Pro_31:29, "Many daughters have done virtuously; but thou excellest them all."-2. That it is not by purchase that such a wife is to be obtained. "Her price is far above rubies." Her principles and her character are such as place her above being purchased. Solomon and other Eastern princes might get their seraglios filled with beauty, by the temptations they could hold out to vanity and to worse passions by the bribes of wealth and splendour. Solomon might thus have his hundreds of princesses. But well might it he said, Who can by such means find a virtuous woman? What virtuous woman would have her place there? A thousand was the very number of Solomon's seraglio:-and when he says, "One man among a thousand have I found, but a woman among all those have I not found;" who can wonder? The wonder would have been if he had. It is slander of the female character, to take an estimate of it from such a quarter. Buy a virtuous woman!-buy such a woman as is here depicted!-the very imagination of her consenting to be so bought-were it even to be, not the associate of hundreds more, but the wife of one-spoils the character,-robs it of its prime attraction.-3. Preciousness. This unbought and unpurchasable excellence is, in the eyes of the man to whom it is spontaneously, and in conjugal faith and love, surrendered, of inestimable value:-and she becomes the happiness of his life. It is the first of earth's blessings; and it never comes alone; it brings a thousand with it. Truly and emphatically might it be said of the man who found such a wife-"He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing: and shall obtain favour of the Lord."-4. The question suggests the reflection, which, from its importance, can hardly be too often repeated-that the forming of the marriage union should be a matter of serious deliberation and inquiry; not a matter of hasty, capricious, thoughtless resolution,-the resolution of momentary fancy or sudden impulse. It should be an endeavour to find a suitable character,-a careful looking out and searching for such a one. And allow me to say-for it is a true saying-that if this were more attended to by those who seek wives, the character, in its various features of excellence, would be more sedulously cultivated by those who are destined to be wives. The character of the one sex will ever tell reciprocally on the other.-5. Lastly, and above all, this connexion must never be a matter of barter, or of pecuniary calculation:-"Her price is far above rubies." It is an infinite degradation of this first and highest and most hallowed of earthly unions, when, on either side, it is reduced to a balance of sordid worldly interests. He who gets such a wife gets what is, in its own intrinsic worth, incomparably better than the greatest amount of wealth,-than the richest precious stones and jewels. It would be a rare act, (but, were it possible, it would be a far more rational one,) for a man to part with the largest fortune for the acquisition of a good wife, than to obtain the largest fortune by wedding a bad one.
It would unavoidably lead to a good deal of repetition,-while it would not, in the end, leave in the mind so distinct a conception and estimate of the character described, and the benefits arising from it in conjugal and domestic life, were we to illustrate the verses in the order in which they He before us. I shall rather endeavour to classify the particulars under the two heads at which I have just hinted;-THE CHARACTER:-AND ITS HAPPY EFFECTS.
1. We have, then, as the first feature of this lovely character, inviolable fidelity:-Verse Pro_31:11. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." This implies, first, the faithfulness of pure, virtuous, undivided attachment. Her husband has no ground for any restless, uneasy jealousy of wandering affections. He has perfect reliance on her plighted troth, and on her undivided love; assured, and happy in the assurance, that her heart is his, and his alone. In proportion as the spirit of jealousy, when it finds admission into a man's bosom, is a spirit of disquietude and agony, the experience of this unshaken unsuspecting assurance of the heart's entire appropriation must be precious and delightful. Then, secondly, the faithfulness in which "the heart of her husband trusteth," relates to the entire management of her domestic affairs. He can entrust everything to her. He can put his purse into her hands, in the full confidence that not one farthing will be alienated by her to either selfish or foolish ends,-but all held sacred to the good of the family; that nothing will be unprofitably squandered, and nothing secretly kept back,-but all applied faithfully, and wisely, and well; so as to leave her husband, in regard to all domestic concerns,-all the transactions that relate to the supply and regulation of the household-"without carefulness." That this second department of fidelity is specially meant, is clear from the latter part of the verse-"So that he shall have no need of spoil." While he trusts, he "safely trusts." He feels no temptation to have recourse to any unjust, oppressive, and unwarrantable means for recruiting his lavished resources,-for supplying his exhausted coffers,-spoiling others, in whatever way, to get means for himself:-a temptation which many a man has been made to feel by the extravagance of either a selfish, or an imprudent, rash, miscalculating wife,-a wife whose sanguine temper and fondness for personal and family display, destroy all providence, shutting her eyes both to the past and to the future. It may be right to notice here, the imperative duty of every husband, in order to his wife's being in a condition to "deal prudently," and to be faithful in her management,-to put her in possession at all times of a correct knowledge of the true extent of his means. If in this she is deceived by him, and made to fancy the resources at his disposal greater than they actually are, she may get the blame which is due not to her but to him. And when the means are narrow and scanty, it is a vast comfort to the poor man to have full confidence that his wife will keep within them-that she will not run accounts, and contract debts, and disgrace and ruin him. For the principle of the character must be cherished and displayed among the wives of all classes of society. The poor man needs the comfort of this confidence as well as the rich.
2. Next after her duty to her God, the first desire of her heart, and the constant and persevering endeavour of her life is, to promote the comfort and well-being of her husband and family:-Verse Pro_31:12. "She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life."
No doubt this implies that she studies his character,-makes herself aware of his peculiar tempers and humours, his likings and his dislikings,-in order that she may, as far as possible from ability and from principle, accommodate herself to them; seeking in all things to please and gratify him.
But while I make this remark, let it not be abused by husbands, as if it held out any toleration to them to indulge humours that are capricious, wayward, and unreasonable. Even with such humours the truly good wife will do her utmost to bear,-and more than to bear. But because servants are enjoined to be subject not only to "good and gentle" but also to "froward" masters, this is no vindication of the masters' frowardness. We must not allow husbands to lose sight of their own duty, while we are speaking of that of their wives. Yet the good wife will remember that to make a froward and capricious husband sensible that she is ever desiring and aiming to "do him good and not evil," is the most dutiful way on her part, and the way most likely to succeed with him, of subduing his waywardness, and winning him to greater reasonableness and right temper. But that which the words before us specially imply is-that she devotes herself to the advancement of her husband's honour and reputation-his health of body and of mind,-his substantial interests,-his temporal and spiritual benefit, and of course the benefit of his family:-that she does this with cheerful delight, from the prevalence of real affection,-her heart being in it all.
And this she does-"all the days of her life." She does it constantly:-not by mere fits and starts; not after the manner of some women, who are the subjects of shifting tempers and capricious humours; who are wonderfully fond-passionate in their endearments, while the fit chances to be upon them, but as cross-grained and ill-natured as possible perhaps the very next hour.-And she does it perseveringly. Her engagement being for life, she keeps to it till the end. She does not "weary in well-doing," but pursues the one object of her wedded state and her plighted conjugal love, to the very last. Her course of attentions, and active promotion of her husband's well-being is not the result of the mere fervour of a first love, but of a firm, faithful, principled attachment, and, along with it, a paramount and imperative sense of duty. That duty is-"till death us do part."
3. The next feature is assiduous and cheerful industry;-diligence in every useful occupation opposed at once to laziness and to pride,-to sloth and to vanity; and accompanied with wise, considerate, prudent management. This embraces a number of verses, in which it is presented under various aspects:-Verses Pro_31:13-19; Pro_31:21-22; and Pro_31:27.
In the first of these verses, she is said to "work willingly with her hands;" that is, cheerfully, without sighing that she has it to do, and wishing she could but be exempted from either the exertion or the degradation. She does not consider it as either; but puts her heart where she knows her hands should be. I have said that this is in opposition to both laziness and pride, sloth and vanity. The description, remember, was addressed to a prince, and therefore has reference to such a wife as he should choose, for the inmate of his palace,-for the partner of his royal dignity. Yet the mother of Lemuel does not regard manual labour as beneath respectability and high station of the wife of a king. She says, Verse Pro_31:19. "She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff." It was customary among the Jews to bring up all their youth to some handicraft occupation. It was an excellent rule, both as respected the cherishing of right dispositions, and as respected a prudent anticipation of the future, in which so many and so great alternations of condition might await the rising generation. And we may suppose the inculcation of practical industry was not confined to the one sex alone, but extended, and that in all classes of the community, to both. But the lesson before us is a good one in all places and times. Those who are in superior stations in life ought never to be ashamed to put their hands actively to household affairs. If the mother of king Lemuel had any daughters, it will not be doubted that she would inculcate upon them the habits which she commends in a wife for her son. She would train them to be such wives as the one she here describes. The qualities she would have Lemuel seek in a daughter-in-law, she would desire to see in her own daughters. Wives in high life need not have their hands hanging listlessly down, or think it beneath them to apply themselves to any useful and becoming occupation. There are those at times to be found who would toss their heads at the very idea of their being supposed even to know anything about the management of a household. To name a spindle and a distaff to them, would be an insult never to be forgiven! What would Lemuel's mother have said of such? She would have warned the young prince against them-as not fit wives for him! Women in such stations should even have an honest pride and pleasure in showing as much as they can of the fruits of their own industry-doing all in their power for the internal comfort and well-being of their households. It does not become any to regard industry as a vulgar virtue, and so to sit at their ease with their hands folded, as if it were the privilege and the honour of their caste in society to be idle. If they have not enough to keep them busy with the concerns of their own families, need they, on that account, be unemployed? May they not be Dorcases? How many families around them who would bless them for the product of their industry! Was it any discredit to Dorcas, was it not, on the contrary, her enviable honour, when "the widows" stood around her corpse "weeping, and showing the coats and garments she had made while she was with them?" She who is too proud to "lay her hands to the spindle and the distaff"-that is, to apply herself actively to such employment as her husband and family and the good of others may require,-has much yet to learn of the spirit of the religion of Jesus, and of the character of a "good wife." We have still many examples, even in superior stations, of active housewifery,-of minds vigorous in common sense and sound principle, and far above the pitiful affectation of sentimental idleness. Spinning-wheels, however, were more in fashion in the days of our grandmothers, than they are now;-and I am not sure if the change has been for the better.
The industry, I have said, is associated with considerate prudence and propriety. She rightly keeps her place and station. While always busy, and usefully busy, she still holds her proper position as mistress and superintendent of her household: she sees that all are at their proper employments, and that these are all suitably and seasonably provided for them; that they have their morning meal and their means of work in due season:-she is the general directress and provider. Such is the spirit of verse fifteenth, "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." And it is the spirit of the passage we must seek to extract:-the minute illustration of particulars in detail would be tedious and unprofitable. Hence we notice further, that she studies to preserve a discreet and happy medium-maintaining an equal distance between mean penuriousness and wasteful profusion and extravagance. First of all, she procures abundance, and that at the best markets:-verse Pro_31:14. "She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar." It would be no recommendation to get from a distance what could be got equally well at hand-as good, and as cheap. The meaning therefore is-(and it were not amiss for statesmen sometimes to learn the lesson as well as wives) that she does not satisfy herself with getting at hand what she can get better and cheaper from afar. She spares no pains to provide what is good-what is suitable and wholesome-for all her household: and, as her industry enables her to go to the best markets, she is never at a loss for the requisite supplies. This is one part of her prudence. Then, with regard to the laying out of what she still has to spare, there is equal discretion. She lets nothing go to waste; but makes the most of every thing. She "gathers up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost." And what does she with the surplus?-what does she with the produce of her industry? Does she spend it in what is trifling and useless-in what serves no purpose but the gratification of vanity? The answer is-verse Pro_31:16. "She considered a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard." Here is something valuable-something of real permanent use to the family:-and even with regard to this, observe, there is consideration before purchase: the field and the price are carefully looked to, that she may not buy land that will yield no return; and that she may not give more for it than it is worth. And then, when she has made the purchase, she turns it to the best account:-in the field, "with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard,"-the wine of which may at once supply the family and bring a profit from sale.
4. A further feature is liberal and kindly benevolence,-open-hearted, open-handed, practical charity:-ver. Pro_31:20. "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy." This implies, first, The spirit of tenderness and compassion:-a spirit lovely in all; and especially attractive in the female character. And the modes of expression used respecting the practical working of this compassion indicate two things-readiness, and liberality. Without doubt, charity, both in men and women, should be regulated in its exercise by judicious discretion; and in the previous parts of the character this has been well provided for. It is right and necessary that sound judgment should be united with sensibility. To give way to every impulse of the latter without the intervention of the former, would often do harm instead of good. This is all true. Judgment must preside over the practice of charity. And yet, in woman especially, the sensibility of charity is better than the philosophy of charity. I would rather see a woman give, under the impulse of feeling, with a full heart and a melting eye, even in a case which to judgment might be somewhat questionable,-than hear her, in such a case, discuss with acuteness and zeal the principles of political economy, and freeze up her heart in the coldness of clear but icy calculation. It implies, secondly, the spirit of obedience to the divine will. We have that will beautifully and briefly expressed in the words of an inspired Apostle-"Let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth." The principle of labour is thus the spirit of benevolence as well as of self-love. The latter of course is first:-the supply of our own need and that of our families. But we are not to stop there. We are not to think that we have laboured enough when we have made out that object:-there is still an ulterior one. The wife here portrayed, while her husband and family have the prior claim, still looks, with the eye of benevolence, beyond them, and stretches beyond them the hand of charity. And I may notice, further, That such a wife-thus faithful, thus active, thus prudent, thus kind,-is well entitled to full liberty in the exercise of her charity-in the delighted indulgence of her benevolent affections. She will, without doubt, in all cases of importance, seek to go along with him who is, or ought to be, the partner of all her feelings and all her wishes. But it would be harsh and cruel to stint and restrain such a disposition in such a bosom. Where feeling has so complete an ascendency over judgment as to dethrone it altogether, and to produce a reckless, indiscriminating and really pernicious prodigality of almsgiving, greater restraint may be necessary. But this is no part of the character here depicted.
Pro_31:10-31
(B)
LECTURE XCVII.
Pro_31:10-31.
(Second Lecture.)
5. The next thing which marks the good wife is-dress and establishment, in accordance with her station and condition in life: verse Pro_31:22. "She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple."
The station of the wife described is evidently that of the higher rank of life. Lemuel's mother, being the mother of a prince, must be supposed to delineate the character of the wife of a prince,-although the elements of the character are such as ought to be found in wives of every degree. The character is an admirable one:-and its crowning feature is true piety. All the other features are in keeping with one another and with this. The obvious inference is, that it is not inconsistent in "a virtuous woman,"-in "a woman that feareth the Lord,"-to wear "silk and purple," or to have "coverings of tapestry" in her house.-Observe by the way, the latter is another of the fruits of her own industry. It is the work of her own hands:-"she maketh herself coverings of tapestry;" so that her very elegancies are associated with exemplary conduct, with the active occupation of her time.
It must be obvious that this is one of those subjects of a general description, which do not at all admit of anything like the precision of fixed and definite ride. The great matter is to be under the influence and the guidance of right principle-of a truly Christian disposition accompanied with sound and sober-minded discretion. The following remarks chiefly relative to dress, are in the spirit and partly in the letter of them, applicable also to furniture and household establishment generally.
i. While, as I have said, it cannot be inconsistent with the other parts of the character described, for a woman to have "her clothing of silk and purple," when such attire befits her rank and station, yet, observe, the first attention is to comfort: (v. Pro_31:21.) "She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet." The word rendered "scarlet" is on the margin "double garments." The original word signifies double; but some consider it as referring to the double dip or dye of the scarlet or purple colour. The connexion, however, decidedly favours the marginal rendering. Now to this consideration of comfort, there is often manifested a very senseless disregard; a disregard such as would evidently have been a flaw in the character before us. There are women to be found, who dress both themselves and their children for display. Comfort or no comfort, they must, as the first pointy be fine and in the fashion. Winter or the dogdays, it is all one to them. If fashion and finery require them to shiver, shiver they must. They will risk the health of their families, and cherish the most pernicious principles in their bosoms, rather than not have them at the very top of the most approved style. Now, this is folly and something worse. The woman before you, makes the difference which nature and common sense point out:-silks in summer, and woollen in winter; single in sunshine, and double in frost and snow: "she is not afraid of the snow for her household;" for when the snow comes, she has not new clothing to make for it, but suitable raiment in readiness:-"all her household then are clothed in double garments."
ii. Dress and general style should be opposed to extravagance:-that is, they should be in accordance with the real extent of a man's or woman's means. And the extent of means must be calculated by a variety of considerations; especially, there ought to be, in apportioning what is allotted to dress and furniture and accommodation, a due regard to the other claims of a family, such, for example, as those of education-for even these are sometimes sacrificed and stinted for the sake of what is external, what meets the eye and attracts the notice of the superficial and the silly;-also to the claims of the poor and of the cause of God,-which are many a time, even by professing Christians, placed in the background, and put in abeyance, when a fashionable article of dress or of furniture comes into competition with them,-although a less expensive one might serve the purpose equally well. This is not as it ought to be. I cannot believe that the wife described by Lemuel's mother would for the sake of "silk and purple" to herself for clothing, have foregone another attribute of her character, in its practical and delightful exercise-"the stretching out of her hands to the poor,-the reaching forth of her hands to the needy."
iii. These adornments of person and house should be opposed to vanity. There may be no small amount of this, where there is but little of extravagance. The dress may not be particularly dear; but there may be manifested, in the make and the adjustment of it, a great deal of minute and anxious care, and pains, and time. It may, though cheap, be gaudy and fantastic; or evidently and solicitously studied for the attraction of notice and admiration, and the setting-off of the person to advantage. What, on this subject, says the word of God to Christian women? "Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price," 1Pe_3:3-4. * Such passages do not mean that no gold, no silver, no jewels, should ever form any part of female attire,-and that the hair must never be plaited, or in any way whatever ornamentally arranged:-for if you go thus literally to work, you cannot but see the conclusion;-that "the putting on of apparel" at all must, on the same principle, be dispensed with,-and "good works," with "a meek and quiet spirit," be substituted for clothing. This is utterly absurd. The meaning very plainly is-that in these things was not to consist "their adorning"-that these were not to be the things about them that attracted notice, or excited admiration, or that were the topics of conversation among others when they were spoken about. Christian temper and Christian character were rather to be what they studied, and were anxious to acquire; that they might be noticed and spoken of for their likeness in spirit to Christ, and for their works of charity and labours of love, rather than for the beauty and the taste, and the costliness of their dress, of aught about them that was merely external.
* See also 1Ti_2:9-10.
iv. I need not say, that all must be opposed to the slightest approach to indecency. Everything of the kind must be studiously shunned by "women professing godliness;" and their example and influence should be united to discountenance and to put it down.
v. None must be allowed to excuse themselves for tawdriness and filth, by pleading that they cannot afford to be fine. Let none thus excuse one extreme by pleading another. It is not the duty of those who can afford it to aim at being fine. But every one, in every station, can afford to be clean, and neat, and tidy:-and these are at a great remove from finery. It is surprising what a difference you may see in different females and their families, in these respects, on the very same means:-and to my mind, I confess, there is almost as much incongruity in the idea of a slovenly and nasty Christian, as in that of a vain, a proud, a lying, or a cheating Christian.
6. The next feature is-prudent, pious, gentle and affectionate converse:-verse Pro_31:26. "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Two things are here mentioned. They both form most valuable features of character. The first-"opening the mouth with wisdom," stands opposed to such things as these-the imprudent utterance of what ought not, in discretion, to be spoken:-the disclosure of confidential secrets, or what were such by obvious implication, if not by formal stipulation:-the silly, vain, frothy emptiness, which marks the conversation of too many. It includes also the expression of a sensible and well-informed mind; conversation that is cheerful, instructive, appropriate to season and to company,-and if witty, innocuously witty, never sarcastic or venomous:-also sound advice and counsel in cases that call for it: and a disposition to serious and religious converse-pleasure in speaking and hearing of divine things,-not for display of knowledge, far loss for pharisaical and sanctimonious pretension,-but, in "simplicity and godly sincerity," for the ends of mutual edification,-the pleasing and salutary reciprocations of Christian affection, and growth by such means, in grace and in meetness for heaven.
The other good quality-"having in the tongue the law of kindness" implies that all she utters is in the spirit and in the manner of a gentle and benevolent heart,-ever manifesting a kindly disposition, and fear of unnecessarily offending. Her tongue, that "unruly member" in both man and woman, is under control; and the control is that of the spirit of amenity and good-nature,-the "meek and quiet spirit which is, in the sight of God, of great price." And the expression-"the law of kindness," represents the kindness of her speech, as the result of a principle of duty-of a sense of obligation. Love is the fulfilling of the law of God. It is its beginning, middle, and end; its universally pervading principle. She knows this; and she cherishes a corresponding spirit, and restrains every utterance that, either in the temper it indicates or the temper it may provoke, is out of harmony with this love. Temper, at an unguarded moment, may suggest and prompt, what a sense of duty will curb and keep back.-The expression further implies that kindness in her speech is the result of a. principle of uniform operation. This is an acceptation in which the word law is repeatedly used in scripture-and that, both in a good and a bad sense. It is thus that Paul speaks of the "law in his members" and "the law of his mind;"-the former, the principle of corruption, tending uniformly in one direction and towards one class of words and actions; and the other, the principle of grace, tending uniformly in the opposite direction, and to an opposite class of words and actions. "The law of kindness" is kindness operating with the uniformity and constancy of a law. The principle is, at all times, in all places, and in all companies, the same,-as a law does not shift and accommodate itself to persons and circumstances. There are tempers that have anything in them but the steadiness and uniformity of a law. There may occasionally be cases of gentleness and kindness, and everything as it ought to be, at home, in the family circle, when there is roughness, sulkiness, and illnature abroad. It is much to be feared, however, that the reverse is a more frequently exemplified case; all smooth and smiling, soft and sweet, courteous and kind in other companies, while the rudeness, and the frown, and the bitterness, and the peevishness, and the crossness and the discontent, and the complaining and the scolding, are reserved for home;-"words smoother than oil" for strangers-"drawn swords" for husband and family. It is to the domestic circle-the home-scene, that the description, in the first instance, refers;-but she whose tongue "the law of kindness" regulates there, will keep it under the same authoritative regulation every where else.-It may mean also, that, while she rules her own tongue by the "law of kindness,"-this very law is the most powerful and efficient means of duly managing her household. If her husband chances to be somewhat hasty in temper and cross in his ways, she studies his temper, soothes and brings him round, and manages him by "the law of kindness." By the same law she keeps her children in affectionate and cheerful subjection;-and by the same law she attaches her domestics, and procures the prompt and active service of grateful affection,-so that "whatsoever they do they do it heartily." There is vast power in this "law of kindness," and the woman here described, whether as a wife, a mother or a mistress, knows how to put and keep it in exercise. Her household, and the entire circle in which she moves, feel and own its salutary and. happy control. Generally speaking, it will be found, that even where authority is rightful, and the title to issue orders and require obedience unquestioned,-the tone and manner of kindness will go further towards procuring prompt, cheerful and efficient service than those of haughty and peremptory command. I speak in general. There are of course different tempers which require different treatment; and firmness may often be as necessary as kindness. The two are not incompatible.
7. I now come to the last feature in the character-namely, genuine piety,-true godliness-as the foundation of all the rest;-verse Pro_31:30. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
Though this stands last, it is very far from being least. Nay, mark well its position. It does not come in along with the rest, as forming one of them merely. It is a designation which includes in it all the rest. It is the sum of the whole. The woman described is "the woman that feareth the Lord;" and "the woman that feareth the Lord" is the woman described. Her fearing the Lord is the productive germ and pervading principle of the whole character:-so that, when the rest of it has been drawn, and it is asked-Where is such a character to be found?-the answer is-It is the character of the "woman that feareth the Lord,"-of every woman who is really under the influence of true religion. And this naturally suggests two observations, which may be of use to different classes of my hearers:-i. There may be external conformity to a number of the features of the character here described,-such as conjugal fidelity, and every attention to a husband's and family's comfort and well-being,-exemplary industry,-modest and becoming apparel, and discreet and prudent management,-while yet there may be no piety-no true religion. I should wish to impress the minds of such persons with the conviction, that, although the presence of such features of character and courses of conduct are vastly better for the temporal comfort and happiness of a family than their absence, yet, in the sight of God, and in His estimate of character, they are miserably defective and even worthless without this. In woman as in man, godliness is what He first demands. Where the heart is not right with God,-all is wrong. There are domestic scenes to be witnessed, presenting much that is amiable, and much that seems happy,-much of mutual affection, mutual cheerfulness, and mutual desire and promptitude to serve one another, to anticipate one another's wishes, and to promote one another's welfare,-where religion has no place; where there is no domestic altar erected to God; where God's fear does not preside; where there is nothing beyond the dictate of natural affection. There are wives who, in all respects but this, set a becoming example, and seem almost all that you could wish them to be; and whose happy influence in the domestic circle is felt by every inmate and manifest to every eye. O how deeply one cannot but regret, in such cases, the absence of the "one thing needful!"-the absence of God! He is not there. There is not the semblance of family religion. God's goodness is unacknowledged. God's blessing is unsought. God's love is unfelt. God's authority is unrecognized. There is neither the secret devotion of the closet, nor the social devotion of the domestic church. It is a scene of seeming enjoyment; and yet it is a scene of atheism-of practical atheism. It is one of the many manifestations of "the goodness, and forbearance, and long-suffering of God," in which He withdraws not the fruits of his kindness, even although his hand is neither seen nor owned in their bestowment. And still further, the amiable exercise of the domestic affections, and discharge of the domestic duties, may be trusted in as the righteousness and the recommendation of the wife and the mother,-while the idea of self-renunciation and reliance on grace alone through the blood of atonement, is indignantly rejected!-We cannot fail, I repeat, deeply to lament the miserable defectiveness of all this, and the dishonour done by it to an excluded God. We sigh over the want. We say, O were God but there!-were the scene of natural amiableness and domestic peace and cheerfulness only hallowed by the presiding and pervading influence of the spirit of piety! Men of the world think this would spoil the scene:-Christians think it would perfect it. What a strange, false, unworthy conception of true religion must that be, which fancies it the bane of social happiness,-which imagines the entrance of God spoiling enjoyment! It only shows what erroneous conceptions of enjoyment and happiness are prevalent in the world. What can that happiness be, which God would spoil! to which Piety would put an end! Is either personal or domestic happiness worthy of the name, of which this is true?
Let all professors of religion, on the other hand, bear in mind, that there is no genuine piety that is not practical,-personally and socially practical. True religion must tell upon the character,-and that in all its departments:-and nowhere more than in the domestic circle. It is here that men and women appear in what may be called the undress of life. It is of the female character that I now speak. Now, as a woman may array herself in the garb of her Sunday finery when she goes abroad, and be an untidy slattern at home; so may the appearances of religion, both by men and women, be assumed in public and before the eyes of others, whilst at the domestic fireside all its amiable and lovely influence is laid by. I have no notion of this. Let me see men and women in the bosom of their families. What are they there? It is not what they are at church;-or what they are in the drawing-room or the convivial party;-or even what they are in the fellowship meeting where prayer is wont to be made:-but what are they at home? Much may go on there, of which the world knows nothing. Let me see the piety-the practical working piety-that displays itself in the mutual interchange of the kindly affections there,-and in the fond and faithful fulfilment of all the relative obligations of duty and of love. I have no idea of a godly woman that is not a good wife, a good mother, a good mistress. She cannot be pious as a woman, while she is careless as a wife and a mother, and unkind and unjust as a mistress. There is such a character as a spiritual gossip;-a gadabout after sermons and religious meetings,-a mighty talker, or a whining complainer of all that will not spend their time with her as cold formalists and "wells without water;" while home is neglected, and husband and family left to feel the want. It is a very sad thing, when such anomalies in character present themselves to the world:-when women who profess to be fearers of God are surpassed in domestic amiableness and dutifulness by those who make no pretensions to religion. These things ought not so to be. It is one of the many ways in which professors "lie against the truth." The truth disowns such characters. "Everyone who is of the truth" Christ says, "heareth my voice." And where does the voice of Christ tell any woman that she may neglect her husband, provided she waits upon God?-that she may neglect her family, if she but attends the prayer-meeting?-that she may scold and maltreat her servants at her pleasure, if she reads her Bible, and minds her private devotions? What notions of piety must she have-how utterly perverse and dishonouring to God and to his word, who can act as if such were the case! True piety is ever a practical principle. It consists not in mere notions; nor does it consist in mere religious exercises. It is a prodigious mistake thus to regard the region for the exercise of piety as lying solely in the acts of worship-of immediate communion with God. It is a principle that diffuses its influence over the entire deportment of life,-that regulates all its movements,-that gives its peculiar character to all its words and all its actions. "The woman that feareth the Lord" will show her fear of the Lord by her active diligence in all her conjugal, maternal, and other domestic duties. She will discharge all these, in the spirit of affection and with constant and persevering assiduity,-because they are the injunctions of the God whom she fears:-and she will infuse into them all the spirit of her religion,-so doing them, as that "the fear of the Lord" may not be hidden, but may be visible as the spring from which the sweet waters flow.
Pro_31:10-31
(C)
LECTURE XCVIII.
Pro_31:10-31.
(Third Lecture.)
Having illustrated the Character of the good wife, we must now survey its Happy Effects. There is-
1. The blessing of entire mutual confidence. We found this on verse eleventh (Pro_31:11). It is true, that it is only the confidence of the husband in the wife that is mentioned:-"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her." But it is quite evident that the good character of the husband is to be considered as assumed. He is one who is supposed to abstain from the licentious vices warned against in the previous part of the chapter; one who is capable of appreciating and duly admiring and valuing such a wife as the passage describes; one who is at the head of a happy family who in their estimate of excellence and in their love of it in one another have entire sympathy of soul. This appears from verses Pro_31:2-8; Pro_31:29. "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Thus they are all one,-one in character and one in social feeling-husband, wife, and children.
And what a blessing, in conjugal life, is mutual confidence-confidence entire and unshaken,-of the husband in the wife, and of the wife in the husband! It is a blessing precious in proportion as the relation between two parties is close and permanent, How inexpressibly precious, then, in this relation-the closest and most permanent of all that belong to time! The relation was intended by that God whose name is Love, for mutual happiness; and, when formed and maintained on right principles, it most effectually answers the gracious end. And of all principles none is more conducive to the result than the reciprocal exercise of unsuspecting confidence. Where this exists; and where there is the interchange of fervent and faithful love; where there are hearts beating in unison,-each reposing on the other, and finding a ready and unequivocal response to every act and word and look of affection, and undisturbed by any apprehension of indiscreet or faithless disclosure of what the one intrusts to the other; and where, along with this, there is the union of spiritual feeling, and desire, and prayer, and practice,-the bonds of piety being superinduced upon, or intertwined with the ties of nature,-and all the intercourse hallowed by the fear, and sweetened by the love, and enriched with the jointly and daily supplicated blessing of a covenant God;-then is realized the purest and highest earthly enjoyment-the perfection of domestic happiness.
2. There is enjoyed family comfort;-in food, in clothing, in regularity and order,-every thing in place, and time, and measure:-Verses Pro_31:15; Pro_31:21. "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet." Need I say that this is a blessing? All feel it to be so;-the poorer as well as the richer. All like to have "their portion of meat in due season," and not a stinted but an adequate and suitable supply; and all like clothing proportioned to the cold. But let me remind husband and wife, that to this both parties must contribute. We have, in the passage, an industrious and economical wife. But what can any wife, with her utmost industry and economy, do, if her husband is an idler or a spendthrift-making nothing for the family, or squandering, in folly or in profligacy, what he makes?-and on the other hand, what avails a husband's utmost industry, if on the wife's part there is the absence of management and economy? It is a very sad thing when the influences of husband and wife are in opposite directions,-the one undoing and counter-working all the salutary efforts of the other:-when the wife misapplies what the husband has laboured to obtain; or when the "virtuous woman" does all that can be done for domestic order and comfort and enjoyment, and her attempts are frustrated and rendered abortive by the folly, the extravagance, the selfishness, or the dissipation of her husband.
3. The acquisition and maintenance of personal health and vigour:-Verse Pro_31:17. "She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms." This, indeed, may signify no more than that she puts forth all her energy:-that, as it is expressed verse 13th (Pro_31:13), "She worketh willingly with her hands." Yet it may be considered as implying, that the very exercise contributes to her vigour. There are few things more enervating than a life of sloth. The sluggard, whether man or woman, soon becomes unfit for exertion. The frame gets relaxed, enfeebled, nerveless. It is not among those who sleep much and work little, that energy either of body or mind is generally to be found. It is among early risers and hard workers. I mean not, of course, workers beyond strength; for that never can contribute to health and vigour, but workers that do not grudge and spare their strength-willing workers.
I am well aware, that there are qualifications to be made here, both as to sleep and as to work. God has not given to all the same bodily constitution. And he would be a most unnatural husband-heartless and cruel, who would-I will not say require, but even expect or allow, a wife of delicate and feeble frame to apply herself to any description of labour beyond what she can bear. There are cases, in which the will outruns the ability, and in which disease and death have been the consequence of over-exertion. Still experience bears out the position, that activity contributes to health and strength; and especially morning activity. The wife before us, we have seen, is an early riser. But as to sleep, just as in regard to work,-it must be regulated by circumstances. Yet not a little depends on habit. Sleep is one of the most wonderful, and wise, and merciful provisions of the God of nature:-but it is one in which we must beware of over-indulgence. It is not intended as a mere luxury. It is designed to recruit our weary frames for fresh service-to promote health and vigour, and renew our ability for daily work. Let dutiful wives, then, see that they never make a plea of natural inability, when the ability is in reality moral,-when it is want of will more than want of power,-ever complaining of weakness, when the true object is the luxury of folding the hands together, and sitting at ease. And let husbands beware of oppression,-of overstimulating the willing spirit, and bringing the wives whom they should cherish in love to an untimely grave by excess of application.
4. We have the increased respectability of her husband from his connexion with her:-Verse Pro_31:23. "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land." In this there is something quite natural. The connexion is close-the closest on earth. Every thing, in consequence, that affects materially the character and reputation of the one side of the house, has an unavoidable, though indirect, bearing on that of the other. The wife may be honoured and respected for her husband's sake, as well as the husband for the wife's; and, on the contrary, whatever lets down the dignity and respectability of the one, operates-unjustly it may sometimes be, but inevitably-upon that of the other. In the case before us,-it is quite manifest, the husband is a man who has respect and honour on his own account. His sitting among the elders of the land,-his holding a high judicial function, "being known in the gates," could never be meant as the result solely of his connexion with her. We should rather, I apprehend, take the twofold view of the case:-First, that in consequence of her rare combination of excellencies, she becomes the wife of a correspondingly eminent and deserving husband;-a husband worthy of such a wife, and one whom prince and people delight to honour:-And then, secondly, that her excellencies, thus united with his, tend to the enhancement of his respectability and admiration. He is known-not only as an elder and a judge,-but as her husband. There is an addition to the respect with which he is regarded, on her account-as the husband of such a wife. Thus the influence is reciprocal. People say, Ah! what a couple! how admirably adapted for each other! the husband is worthy of the wife, and the wife of the husband.-But it is of the wife's influence we are now speaking. Not only does a portion of the respect felt for her attach to him; but she contributes essentially to the respectability of his very appearance,-to the happy cheerfulness of his countenance and manners, and not a little, it may be, to the sober soundness of his judgment, and the judiciousness and prudence of his counsels.
Let wives bear in mind how much they have, in this respect, in their power. They necessarily appear before the world as having been the choice of their husbands. It inevitably follows, from this consideration alone, were there no other, that the characters of their husbands should, to a certain extent, be tested by theirs. If they are silly, senseless, and vain,-if they are idle untidy slatterns,-if they are scolds, or tattlers, or gossips, or given to wine,-there arises from their character a sure deduction from the respect which their husbands are themselves entitled to, and, but for them, would receive,-and a corresponding deduction from their influence and their usefulness. Yes, and the effect is not confined to the husband; it extends to the family. The very house ceases to be resorted to by those whose company would add both to its enjoyment and its honour,-who are scared away by the unamiableness and disreputableness of her who, conducting herself as she ought, should be the fond pride of her husband and her children.
5. We have as a further happy effect-pleasant reflections on the past:-Verse Pro_31:25. "Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." It is the latter part of the verse especially on which I found this particular. The terms of it may simply mean, that while the idle, the extravagant, the vain, the worthless may for the time attract personal admiration, and draw about them parasitical and pretended friends, who find it their present interest to enjoy the sunshine of their favour, or who like to while away their time in frivolity and indolence,-yet are they laying up for the period of age, desertion and contempt. They have neglected those accomplishments which alone are lasting, and given themselves to what, at a later season, when the gay days of youth have gone by, can yield them no springs of inward satisfaction and joy in their own bosoms,-and can attract towards them, in the time of their decline, nothing of the respect or veneration of others. A youth of folly is the precursor to an age of fretfulness and sorrow. On the contrary, the woman of the solid, substantial, permanent excellencies here described, "shall rejoice in time to come." Her sources of enjoyment are such as will stand. They will serve for age as well as for youth. The "light which is sown for the upright," is not the light of a passing meteor, that flashes and fades; it is light that "shineth more and more unto the perfect day." Or if, so far as this world is concerned, it must sink and set,-its sinking will be tranquil and its setting joyous. The "virtuous woman" shall "rejoice" even to the last. Her "yesterdays will look backward with a smile." The course she has in retrospect, contains in it the proofs of the reality of her religion. It has been consistent practical godliness.
There is one kind of delight in reflections on the past to such a character,-which is exquisite in proportion as the opposite is agonizing. The wife may be a widow. And I can imagine few things more pregnant with distress, than, when a husband is no more, to have busy memory ever bringing back to the heart recollections of unkindnesses and neglects; of words and looks and acts of passion; of duties which should have been done, and comforts which should have been provided, but which can now be done and provided no more; of words and acts and looks that cannot be recalled; and of neglects and unkindnesses that cannot be remedied, that cannot so much as be confessed, and forgiveness obtained. Even a kiss of proffered reconciliation refused will, in the recollection, have in it "the gall of bitterness."-How pleasant, on the contrary, to reflect on a course of conjugal endearment that leaves no such remembrances behind it;-no stings and venomed barbs for the spirit of widowhood;-on which "she who is a widow indeed and desolate," can look back, only with grief that what, through the divine blessing, was so very sweet, has come to a close!-And let not husbands forget, that the very same principle applies, in all its force, on both sides of the relation. On the one side and on the other, it ought to operate as a motive to self-vigilance,-to a jealous guardianship of the passions,-to a careful abstinence from every unkind word or look or action, to the affectionate anticipation of every wish, and avoidance of whatever might leave a painful feeling or a mistaken impression;-to the mutual cultivation inwardly of the love that should bind conjugal hearts together,-and of the outward manifestation of that love, as it flows, in word and act, sweetly and spontaneously from the heart, in all the daily intercourse of life.-Let both parties so dwell together in this daily intercourse, as that, whichsoever is taken away first, Memory may be to the survivor a whisperer of consolation, and not of woe-that, together or apart, both may "rejoice in time to come."
6. The next thing in order is-the delight afforded by the approval, the smiles, the commendation, the blessings, of those she most loves and values:-verses Pro_31:28-29. "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Ye wives-ye mothers!-what a lovely, what an enviable scene is this! How earnestly should each one of you strive to realize it in your own happy experience! Your children-affectionate, grateful, pious,-united in love to one another, and to you:-owning and commending with tears of sensibility and delight, their loved mother as the guardian, all kind and fond and faithful, of their infant years-blessing her, speaking well of her, praying for her, praising her; growing up into life a credit to her early care, and requiting that care in every kind of practical attention to the well-being of her declining, perhaps her widowed years!-And then your husbands, while they live-during your life or after your death-standing up on your behalf, with a glowing heart and a glistening eye, and pronouncing your eulogy-"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all!"-the language of affectionate admiration-captivated by the excellencies, and forgetting the defects,-the one so outweighing and outnumbering the other, as to throw them out of the mind's sight altogether; and a commendation specially precious, as coming from the very quarter where the opportunity was the closest and most incessant of descrying and estimating both.-Such is the picture here brought before us. It is one on which the eye dwells with unsated and growing delight;-an affectionate and pious pair, one in the bond of nature, and one in that of grace,-hand in hand, and heart in heart,-surrounded by a group of happy children;-husband and wife, father and mother, parents and children, brothers and sisters,-all loving and loved,-all blessing and blessed,-every countenance beaming with mutual complacency,-every eye gleaming with cheerfulness and melting in love. And the chief contributor to this scene of affection, piety, and joy, is the "virtuous woman." It is the influence of the character described that in such a scene is most prominently apparent. Let every christian wife emulate the character, that she may possess and communicate the joy.
7. The last here alluded to is of the happy results-solid, substantial, lasting happiness and honour-contrasted with what is vain, deceitful, and transient:-verses Pro_31:30-31. "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hand; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
The "favour" here spoken of seems, from the connexion, to be the favour which is won by mere beauty or personal appearance; and the "beauty" of course is that by which the favour is attracted. The one is "deceitful," the other is "vain:"-that is, on the one side, the woman who trusts in the steadfastness of the favour that has been obtained by no better qualities than the symmetry of her features, the delicacy of her complexion, or the elegance of her person, will find herself disappointed-that the love on which she relied was eye-love only, not heart-love. The love that wears well must be obtained by qualities of a higher order.
On the other hand, "beauty is vain." Of course the beauty here spoken of is not the beauty that consists in the expression in the countenance of mental loveliness,-of the beauties of the mind and heart. It is the beauty only of feature and of form. The man who is attracted by it, and who unites himself
