Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Parents and children
I. Duties of children to parents.
1. Children owe to their parents an inward affection and regard. Their obedience should flow from love, gratitude, and esteem.
2. Children are to honour their parents by external tokens of respect.
3. Children are to obey the just commands of their parents.
4. Children are not only to obey the express commands of parents while under their authority, but to receive with decent and humble regard, the instructions, counsels, and reproofs which they may see fit to communicate afterward.
5. Children are to remember, and, if there is occasion, also to remunerate, the favours they have received from their parents.
II. Duties of parents to children.
1. Parents are to instruct their children in the doctrines and duties of religion.
2. Parents must not content themselves with giving their children good instructions; but endeavour, by arguments, exhortations, and reproofs, to form their lives according to their instructions.
3. Parents must regulate the diversions of their children.
4. Parents should maintain the worship of God in their houses.
5. Let parents set their children a good example in everything. (J. Lathrop, D. D.)
Christian children
I. The precept.
1. Observe the persons to whom the commandment is addressed “children.”
2. Observe what is commanded as the especial duty of children in reference to parents--“obey,” and “honour.”
3. The limitation of the precept--“in the Lord.” The parent’s stronghold is here, when he says, “I must have you obedient, because I am responsible to God for your being so.” And the child’s strong encouragement is in the same thought: “In obeying my parents, I am doing that which is pleasing to God, and I do it because the Lord so bids me.”
II. The sanction.
1. To obey parents is right.
(1) Their age, experience, knowledge, entitle them to the obedience of their children.
(2) Love should prompt children to render obedience to their parents.
2. There is a promise annexed to obedience. God undertakes that His blessing shall be given. (James Cohen, M. A.)
Our fathers and mothers
Now this short text is a message to us about our duty to them.
I. Notice whom you are to obey and honour. Your “parents”--your “father and mother.”
II. What it is to honour and obey them.
1. We must respect and reverence them. We should regard them as those to whose love and government God Himself has committed us. I have read of two sons who saved their aged parents at the sacrifice of all they possessed and at the risk of their own lives. The city was on fire, and they were in the middle of it; they had gold in the cellar and plate in the cupboard; but one took his father on his back, and the other his mother, and away they ran through the scorching streets and falling houses, till they got outside the walls! Those lads loved their parents with perfect love. How different to the wretched heathen who leave their old fathers and mothers to perish! Mr. Moffat, an African missionary, found a poor woman under a tree; she was a mere skeleton, and the bloodthirsty wolves were bowling around her! She said her children had got tired of her because she was sick; they had been gone some days, and she must sit there till she died.
2. To honour and obey our parents means that we are to do whatever will make them happy, even though they do not enjoin it upon us.
3. To honour and obey them means that we are to do whatever they tell us. Their commands are to be laws with us. A soldier is ordered to do this and that by his officer--it may be to carry a letter through the enemy’s country, it may be to take the place of a comrade who has just been shot down at a gun, but he knows that he may not hesitate for a moment; if he refused, his character as a soldier would be gone, and he would be drummed out of the army. But what claim has an officer on a soldier, compared with the claim of a parent on a child?
III. How far we are to honour and obey our parents (see Col_3:20). We are to obey our parents in everything so far as their commands agree with those of God, and no further; if they required us to steal, or lie, or cheat, or do anything wrong, we should not be called to obey them. But, dear children, it is not probable that your beloved parents will ever require you to do anything of this kind; and in all other cases you are bound to obey them. I press that “all,” because many boys and girls will pick and choose amongst duties as they would amongst apples; they will do what is easy and pleasant to them. Now, it seems to me that difficult things are just the test of obedience. Some things are no test at all. Suppose a father were to say to his son, “Run and buy yourself a dozen raspberry tarts”; not one boy in a hundred but would run to the shop as fast as his legs could carry him; but for all that, he might be a disobedient boy at heart. Now, let us try him again; “Leave off your play, and take this note to the doctor’s for me.” Look at him now! He pretends not to hear, or he puts it on his younger brother, or he flies into a passion, or he says right out, “Father, I can’t.” But if, instead of this, he at once cried, “Father, I’ll be ready in a minute,” and pulled on his jacket, and went skipping down the street with a smiling face, I should mark him in my pocket book for a thoroughly obedient lad.
IV. Why you are to honour and obey them.
1. Because God has told us to do it. And God is so wise and good that whatever he bids us do should be done unhesitatingly; His command and our obedience to it should follow one another as quickly as the clap of thunder follows the flash of lightning.
2. Because we owe, under God, our existence to them.
3. Because they are our superiors. If, directly we were born, we were as strong and as wise as they are; then it would be different--we would manage for ourselves: but just look how it is. We come into the world the most helpless of creatures--far more helpless than a lamb, for it can stand by itself--far more helpless than a chicken, for it can pick up its own food. There we are, unable to do one single thing for ourselves; we know nothing at all; we have not a particle of experience! When a boy gets into a boat for the first time, all is strange to him. What should we think of him if he declared that he was going to start for New Zealand, just as he was? We should cry out, “You are mad!” But if he embarked in a large ship under a tried and skilful captain, then there would be no danger. Now, our parents are tried and skilful captains; they have sailed on the rough ocean of life in many directions; they understand all about its winds, and tides, and currents; they have sounded here, and anchored there; they have marked rocks in one place and shoals in other, and whirlpools in another. They have travelled the dangerous road of life for years; they have learnt the right turnings and the best inns; they know the spots where robbers lurk and wild beasts prowl; they know which fruits may be eaten, and which are poisonous; they know who are safe companions, and who will lead astray: In other words, having read so much, and heard so much, and seen so much, and suffered so much, they are able to guide us; they can tell us how to avoid what is harmful, and how to secure what is valuable; they can train us up “in the way in which we should go.”
4. Because they are our nearest and dearest friends.
5. Because it will be good for us. It is the “first commandment with promise”; and the promise is, “Thy days shall be long in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” No doubt this referred more particularly to Jewish children, because, as we have seen, those of them who were disobedient were stoned to death, and thus their days were short in the land; whilst those of them who were obedient lived on. But many Christians think that this promise is still fulfilled to dutiful sons and daughters. And, as a fact, they do live longer. For disobedient children soon fall into wicked ways and among wicked associates, and rain their health, and come to an untimely end. “The ungodly shall not live out half their days.” So it was with the sons of Eli; so it was with Absalom; so it has been with many youths whom I have known. On the other hand, how different it is with the obedient child; he has his parents’ praise, which is an ever-flowing fountain of joy! He has their most fervent prayers! “The smell of their son is to them as the smell of a field which the Lord hath blessed.” Often as they embrace him, their bowels yearn over him, as they say, “God be gracious unto thee, my son!” or, “God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine.” A blameless childhood blossoms into a graceful manhood! (J. Bolton, B. A.)
Filial obedience
Children ought to render to their parents--
1. The obedience of love.
2. The obedience of reverence. It is “honour thy father and thy mother.” There may be much love, much fondness, and much real obedience, yet I have sometimes seen a most lamentable deficiency in this veneration for parents. If I look into the Word of God, there I see the principle exhibited. I see Joseph, in the forty-sixth of Genesis, meeting with his old father--Joseph who was next on the throne to Pharaoh, a great man in Egypt, with thousands at his beck: yet I find, in the twenty-ninth verse, “Joseph made ready his chariot, and went up to meet Israel his father, to Goschen, and presented himself unto him; and he fell on his neck and wept on his neck a good while.” And if I turn to another passage, it is still more striking: in the case of Bathsheba and Solomon. It is in the second chapter of the First Book of Kings, and the nineteenth verse. “Bathsheba therefore went unto King Solomon, to speak unto him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her, and bowed himself unto her, and sat down on his throne, and caused a seat to be set for the king’s mother; and she sat on his right hand.”
3. The obedience of gratitude.
4. The obedience of submission. (J. H. Evans, M. A.)
Fatal result of disobedience
Many years ago, a minister lived in a cottage near some very high, rocky hills, which rose abruptly from the vale below. He had two sons, who were not as obedient as boys ought to be. They fancied themselves wiser than their father, and often treated his commands with contempt. Now this good minister knew that the cliffs were not very safe for the boys to venture on. They were too perpendicular, and had too few places for the feet, to be climbed or descended by anyone without great risk of life or limbs. He pointed out this danger to his sons, and repeatedly said to them, “Be sure you never venture down the face of the cliffs.” You can see that this was good advice, and the boys ought to have given due heed to it. But I am sorry to be forced to tell you these boys were wilful, and disobeyed. They said “yes” to their father when he gave them this command, and then went out and broke it. Many birds built their nests in the holes among the rocks, and these bad boys would venture down in search of their eggs. They did this so frequently without meeting with any mishap, that they grew bold in their disobedience, and often laughed at their father for being so particular and old-fogyish. One day, however, these boys did not go home to dinner. Their parents wondered where they were, but made no search until tea time. Then the non-appearance of the boys troubled them. They sent, round the village to inquire for them, but they had not been seen since noon, when they were dismissed from school. The minister and his wife were now very much alarmed. They sent messengers in every direction. Their good father’s heart trembled with fear lest they had tumbled over the cliffs. He went down a gorge which led to the vale below, and there, to his dismay, he found them cold, mangled, and dead! Their disobedience had proved their destruction,
The root of heaven, or hell, struck in the nursery
All vice and crime may be traced to the nursery. The foundations of reverence are either earnestly laid, or perilously sapped, in the very first years. In the first act of disobedience the child commits himself to a downward course. The assertion of self-will in a disobedient act, is evidence enough that the powers of darkness have prevailed to lay the foundation of hell in the young soul. The parents who tolerate, or mildly pass over the disobedience of their children, tolerate what constitutes the beginning of all evil, and the root of eternal evil. The children who are permitted to make light of the authority of their father and mother, will in all probability grow up to make light of the authority of God. In dishonouring their parents, they have already dishonoured God. They have disgraced themselves, impaired their own moral sense, given their consent to evil spirits as their allies, and entered on the way which leads them to destruction. Children should be made to obey long before they can understand why they should obey. Their hearts should beat, their muscles grow, and their nerves vibrate and play, under the necessity of obedience. From the beginning, their freedom should be freedom in obedience. As soon as they can understand it, they should be taught that reverence for their parents, manifested by unhesitating obedience, is God’s command. And children who obey their parents because God commands it, are in the straight way wherein they shall not stumble. It shall be “well with them,” both for time and eternity. They are in “the Way that they should go”--the Way that leadeth unto life eternal, “and when they are old they will not depart from it.” They have begun to do “right.” The foundation of God is in them, and it shall stand forever, and they shall be built up forever. “Children, obey your parents, in the Lord, for this is right.” It is right, not because it is commanded; but it is commanded because it is right, and it is right because it is essentially good, safe, and prosperous. In the law and ordinance of each child’s creation, God has made a provision for the reverence of fathers and mothers. Parents are taken into the secrecy of His creative council, that no child may receive his existence immediately from Himself, but from Him, through them. Irreverent and disobedient children, therefore, do violence to the very spring and ground of their own nature; they rupture the covenant which God has made with obedient children; they cut themselves off from all part in His promises; they dissolve their connection with all blessed spirits and angels, and give pledges to Satan. (J. Pulsford.)
A daughter’s obedience
Amissionary was passing along the streets of London, and he saw a little girl lying asleep on the steps in the night, the rain beating in her face, and he awakened her and said, “My little girl, what do you here?” “Oh!” she replied, “my father drove me out, and I am waiting until he is asleep, and then I am going in.” Then she told the story of her father’s drunkenness. That night after her father was asleep, she went back and laid down in the house. In the morning she was up early, preparing the meal, and her father turned over, waking up from his scene of drunkenness and debauch, and he saw his little child preparing breakfast, and he said to her, “Mary, why do you stay with me?” “Oh!” she said, “father, it is because I love you.” “Well,” he said, “why do you love me when everybody despises me? and why do you stay with me?” “Well,” she said, “father, you remember when mother was dying, she said to me: ‘Mary, never forsake your father; the rum fiend will some day go out, and he will be very good and kind to you, and my dying charge is, don’t forsake your father’; and I never will, father, I never will. Mother said I must not, and I never will.”
An excellent proof
Whiledriving along the street one day last winter in my sleigh, a little boy, six or seven years old, asked me the usual question, “Please, may I ride?” I answered him, “Yes, if you are a good boy.” He climbed into the sleigh; and when I again asked, “Are you a good boy?” he looked up pleasantly and said, “Yes, sir.” “Can you prove it?” “Yes, sir.” “By whom?” “Why, by my mother,” said he, promptly. I thought to myself, here is a lesson for boys and girls. When a child feels and knows that mother not only loves, but has confidence in him or her, and can prove obedience, truthfulness, and honesty, by mother, they are pretty safe. That boy will be a joy to his mother while she lives.
Obedience and character
A tradesman once advertised in the morning papers for a boy to work in his store, run errands, and make himself generally useful. The next morning the store was thronged with boys of all ages and sizes trying to get the place. The storekeeper only wanted one boy, and as he was at a loss to know how to get the right one out of so large a crowd, he thought he must find out some plan to lessen the number of boys and to be sure of getting a good one. So he sent them all away till he could think over the matter a little. The next day the papers contained this advertisement: “Wanted--a boy who obeys his mother.” And out of the crowd who were there the day before, how many do you suppose came to get that place? Only two. Whichever of these two the storekeeper chose we may be very certain would prove a good boy. Jesus was pleasing His Father in heaven all the time that He was obeying His mother on earth. And so it is always. The boys who learn to obey at home are the boys who will be most wanted for places in business, and who will be most useful and successful in them. (Dr. Newton.)
How to bring up children
The late Dr. Henry Ware, when once asked by a parent to draw up some set of rules for government of children, replied by an anecdote: “Dr. Hitchcock,” he said, “was settled in Sandwich; and, when he made his first exchange with the Plymouth minister, he must needs pass through the Plymouth Woods, a nine miles’ wilderness, where travellers almost always got lost, and frequently came out at the point they started from. Dr. Hitchcock, on entering this much dreaded labyrinth, met an old woman, and asked her to give him some directions for getting through the wood so as to fetch up at Plymouth, rather than Sandwich. ‘Certainly,’ she said, ‘I will tell you all about it with the greatest pleasure. You will just keep right on till you get some ways into the woods, and you will come to a place where several roads branch off. Then you must Stop and consider, and take the one that seems to you most likely to bring you out right.’ He did so, and came out right.” Dr. Ware added, “I have always followed the worthy and sensible old lady’s advice in bringing up my children. I do not think anybody can do better: at any rate, I cannot.” Good common sense, doubtless, is often better than all set rules; but the thing is to have it.
Early impressions abide
Someyears ago, a native Greenlander came to the United States. It was too hot for him there; so he made up his mind to return home, and took passage on a ship that was going that way; but he died before he got back, and, as he was dying, he turned to those who were around him, and said, “Go on deck and see if you can see ice.” “What a strange thing!” some would say. It was not a strange thing at all. When that man was a baby the first thing he saw, after his mother, was ice. His house was made of ice. The window was a slab of ice. He was cradled in ice. The water that he drank was melted ice. If he ever sat at a table, it was a table of ice. The scenery about his home was ice. The mountains were of ice. The fields were filled with ice. And when he became a man he had a sledge and twelve dogs that ran him fifty miles a day over ice. And many a day he stooped over a hole in the ice twenty-four hours to put his spear in the head of any seal that might come there. He had always been accustomed to see ice, and he knew that if his companions on the ship could see ice it would be evidence that he was near home. The thought of ice was the very last thought in his mind, as it was the very first impression made there. The earliest impressions are the deepest. Those things which are instilled into the hearts of children endure forever and forever.
The children’s life in Christ
I sometimes meet with men and women who tell me that they cannot remember the time when they began to love and trust and obey Christ, just as they cannot remember the time when they began to love and trust and obey their parents. If we had a more vivid and a more devout faith in the truth that every Christian family is according to God’s idea and purpose a part of the kingdom of heaven, this happy experience would be more common. The law of Christ is the rule of human conduct in childhood as well as in manhood; and as in Christ’s kingdom grace precedes law, the grace of Christ is near to a child in its very earliest years to enable it to keep the law, and the child’s earliest moral life may be a life in Christ. Christ’s relationship to men cannot be a relationship of authority merely. His authority is the authority of One who has assumed our nature and died for our sins. He is our Prince that He may be our Saviour. These truths are assumed in the precept that children are to “obey” their parents “in the Lord.” Every child, apart from its choice and before it is capable of choice, is environed by the laws of Christ. It is equally true that every child, apart from its choice and before it is capable of choice, is environed by. Christ’s protection and grace in this life, and is the heir of eternal blessings in the life to come. Christ died and rose again for the race. Children may “obey” their parents “in the Lord,” before they are able to understand any Christian doctrine; they may discharge every childish duty, under the inspiration of the Spirit of God, before they have so much as heard whether the Spirit of God has been given; they may live in the “light of God before they know that the true light always comes from heaven. And as men and women, who are consciously relying on God to enable them to do His will, appropriate God’s grace and make it more fully their own by keeping His commandments, so the almost unconscious virtues of devout children make the life of Christ more completely theirs. Like Christ Himself, who in His childhood was subject to Joseph and Mary, as they advance in stature they advance in wisdom and in favour with God and men. This is the ideal Christian life. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
Conflicting duties
Thedifficulties of obedience are usually greatest in the troubled years between childhood and manhood; and not unfrequently these difficulties are increased rather than diminished when during these years the religious life begins to be active. To a boy or girl of fifteen the discovery of God sometimes seems to dissolve all human relationships. The earthly order vanishes in the glory of the infinite and the Divine. There is also a sudden realization of the sacredness and dignity of the personal life, and whatever authority comes between the individual soul and God is felt to be a usurpation. At this stage in the development of the higher life the first commandment is also the only commandment that has any real authority. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,” seems to exhaust all human duty, and life has no place for any inferior obligations. I have a very deep sympathy with those young people who are trying, and trying very unsuccessfully, to adjust what seem to them the conflicting claims of the seen and the unseen, of earth and heaven. They have to remember that we live in two worlds, that both belong to God; and that we do not escape from the inferior order when the glory of eternal and Divine things is revealed to us. We still have to plough, and to sow, and to reap; to build houses; to work in iron, and brass, and silver and gold. The old world with its day and night, its sunshine and its clouds, its rain and snow, its heat and cold, is still our home. In things seen and temporal we have to do the will of the invisible and eternal God, and to be disciplined for our final perfection and glory. As God determined the laws of the physical universe, so He determined the limitations of human life, and the conditions upon which human duty is to be discharged. The family, the State, and the Church are Divine institutions: and the obligations which they create are rooted in the will of God. The family and the State belong to the natural order, but they are not less Divine in their origin than the Church, nor are their claims upon us less sacred. In the family the parents by Divine appointment exercise authority, and children are under Divine obligations to obedience. The ends for which the family exists are defeated if authority is not exercised on the one side, if obedience is not conceded on the other; just as the ends for which the State exists are defeated if rulers do not assert and enforce the law, if subjects habitually violate it. Children are to obey their parents, “for this is right”; right, according to the natural constitution and order of human affairs; right, according to the laws of natural morality; right, according to the natural conscience and apart from supernatural revelation. But in the discharge of this natural duty the supernatural life is to be revealed. Children are to obey their parents “in the Lord,” in the Spirit and in the strength of Christ. Obedience to parents is part of the service which Christ claims from us; it is a large province of the Christian life. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
The extent of parental authority
It is not enough that children obey their parents in those things which would have obligation apart from parental authority. To be truthful, honest, kindly, temperate, courageous, industrious, are duties whether a parent enforces them or not. They may be sanctioned and sustained by parental authority, but to discharge duties of this kind may be no proof of filial obedience; a child may discharge them without any regard to the authority of his parents. It is when the parent requires obedience in things which are neither right nor wrong in themselves, or which appear to the child neither right nor wrong in themselves, that the authority of the parents is unambiguously recognized. A parent may require obedience in things of this kind for the good of the child himself, for the sake of his health, for the sake of his intellectual vigour and growth, for the sake of his moral safety, or for the sake of his future success in life. Before the parents’ authority is exerted the child is free; but afterwards, whether the child sees the wisdom of the requirement or not, he is bound to obey. Or parental authority may be exerted for the sake of the family generally. Regulations intended to secure the order of the household, to prevent confusion, to lessen trouble, and to lessen expense, are often felt by young people to be extremely irksome. The regulations appear to be unreasonable, and to have no other object than to place vexatious restraints on personal liberty. Sometimes, no doubt, they are really unwise and unnecessary. But children are not the most competent judges; and in any case it is the parents, not the children, that are responsible for making the rules. The parents may be unwise in imposing them; but the children are more than unwise if they are restive under them and wilfully break them. To submit to restraints which are seen to be expedient and reasonable is a poor test of obedience; the real proof of filial virtue is given when there is loyal submission to restraints which appear unnecessary. There is less difficulty when a child is required to render personal service to a parent. The obligation is so obvious, that unless the child is intensely selfish the claim will be met with cheerfulness as well as with submission. Affection, gratitude, and a certain pride in being able to contribute to a parent’s ease or comfort, will make obedience a delight. To be of use satisfies one of the strongest cravings of a generous and noble nature, and that satisfaction is all the more complete if the act of service involves real labour and a real sacrifice of personal enjoyment. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
Family discipline and State security
The duty of obedience to parents, which is a natural duty, a duty arising out of the natural constitution of human life, was enforced in Jewish times by a Divine commandment. And this commandment had a place of special dignity in Jewish legislation; it was “the first commandment with promise.” Paul was not thinking of the Ten Commandments as if they stood apart from the rest of the laws which God gave to the Jewish people, or else he would have said that this was the only commandment that was strengthened by the assurance of a special reward to obedience. He meant that of all the Jewish laws this was the first that had a promise attached to it. The promise was a national promise. It was not an assurance that every child that obeyed his parents would escape sickness and poverty, would be prosperous, and would live to a good old age; it was a declaration that the prosperity, the stability, and the permanence of the nation depended upon the reverence of children for their parents. The discipline of the family was intimately related to the order, the security, and the greatness of the State. Bad children would make bad citizens. If there was a want of reverence for parental authority, there would be a want of reverence for public authority. If there was disorder in the home, there would be disorder in the nation; and national disorder would lead to the destruction of national life. But if children honoured their parents the elect nation would be prosperous, and would retain possession of the country which it had received from the hands of God. The greatness of the promise attached to this commandment, the fact that it was the first commandment that had any promise attached to it, revealed the Divine estimate of the obligations of filial duty. And although Jewish institutions have passed away, the revelation of God’s judgment concerning the importance of this duty remains. And the promise with which it was sanctioned is the revelation of a universal law. The family is the germ cell of the nation. If children honour their parents, men and women will be trained to those habits of order and obedience which are the true security of the public peace, and are among the most necessary elements of commercial and military supremacy; they will be disciplined to self-control, and will have strength to resist many of the vices which are the cause of national corruption and ruin. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
Honour is more than obedience
The commandment which Paul quotes requires children to “honour” their parents; “honour” includes obedience and something more. We may obey because we are afraid of the penalties of disobedience; and in that case the obedience though exact will be reluctant, without cheerfulness and without grace. We may obey under terror, or we may obey from motives of self-interest. We may think that the man to whom we are compelled to submit is in no sense our superior, that he is at best our equal, and that it is mere accident that gives him authority over us. But children are required to remember that their parents are their superiors, not their equals; that they have to “honour” parental dignity as well as to obey parental commands, that honour is to blend with obedience and to make it free and beautiful. The child that honours his parents will yield a real deference to their judgment and wishes when there is no definite and authoritative command; will respect even their prejudices; will chivalrously conceal their infirmities and faults; will keenly resent any disparagement of their claims to consideration; will resent still more keenly any assault on their character. In a family where this precept is obeyed, parents will be treated with uniform courtesy. There is a tradition that whenever Jonathan Edwards came into a room where his children were sitting, they rose as they would have risen at the entrance of a visitor. Forms of respect of this kind are alien from modern manners; but the spirit of which they were the expression still survives in well-bred families, I mean in families which inherit and preserve good traditions, whatever social rank they may belong to. Nor is it to parents alone that children should show this spirit of consideration and respect; brothers and sisters should show it to each other; and both among the rich and the poor it may be taken as a sure sign of vulgarity, inherited or acquired, if courtesy is reserved for strangers, and has no place in the life of the family. Children are to “honour” their parents, and if they honour their parents they are likely to be courteous to each other. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
Duty of parents to children
Paul had a sensitive sympathy with the wrongs which children sometimes suffer, and a strong sense of their claims to consideration. Children are to “obey” and to “honour” even unreasonable, capricious, and unjust parents; but it is the duty of parents not to be unreasonable, capricious, or unjust. Parents are sometimes wanting in courtesy to children as well as children to parents, speak to them roughly, violently, insultingly--and so inflict painful wounds on their self-respect. Parents sometimes recur with cruel iteration to the faults and follies of their children, faults and follies of which the children are already ashamed, and which it would be not only kind but just to forget. Parents are sometimes guilty of a brutal want of consideration; they allude in jest to personal defects to which the children are keenly sensitive, remind them mockingly of failures by which they have been deeply humiliated, speak cynically of pursuits in which their children have a passionate or romantic interest, and contemptuously and scornfully of companions and friends that their children enthusiastically admire and love. Parents are sometimes tyrannical, wilfully thwarting their children’s plans, needlessly interfering with their pleasures, and imposing on them unreasonable and fruitless sacrifices. Parents who desire to be loved and honoured and cheerfully obeyed should lay to heart the apostle’s warning: “Provoke not your children to wrath.” Then follows the positive precept, “But nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.” This covers the whole province of Christian education.
1. The precept implies a real and serious faith on the part of the parents that their children belong to Christ, and are under Christ’s care. The children are Christ’s subjects, and have to be trained to loyal obedience to His authority. Their earliest impressions of God should assure them that God loves them with an infinite and eternal love, and that He has blessed them with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.
2. The education of which the apostle is thinking is practical rather than speculative; it has to do with life and character, rather than with knowledge. The order of a child’s life is determined by its parents, and is to be determined under Christ’s authority, so that the child may be trained to all Christian virtues. In the earlier years of childhood this training will be, in a sense, mechanical. The child will not know why certain acts and habits are required of it, or why other acts and habits are forbidden. There will be no appeal to the child’s conscience or reason; the parents’ conscience and the parents’ reason will assume the responsibility of guiding the child’s conduct.
3. If it is the duty of a child to obey, it is the duty of parents to rule. There can be no obedience where there is no authority; and if a child is not disciplined to obedience it suffers a moral loss which can hardly ever be completely remedied in later years. The religious as well as the moral life is injured by the relaxation of parental rule. Obedience to the personal authority of parents disciplines us to obey the personal authority of God.
4. Children should be trained to the surrender of their own pleasure and comfort to the pleasure and comfort of others. Parents who have sacrificed themselves without reserve to their children’s gratification are sometimes bitterly disappointed that their children grow up selfish. They wonder and feel aggrieved that their devotion receives no response, that their children are not so eager to serve them as they have been to serve their children. On the other hand, parents who with equal affection have made themselves, not their children, the centre of the family life, seem to have been more fortunate. Not selfishly, harshly, or tyrannically, but firmly and consistently, they have required their children to take a secondary position. The comfort of the children and their pleasures were amply provided for, but the children were not led to think that everything in the house must give way to them, that all the sacrifices were to be made by their parents, none by themselves. They were trained to serve, and not merely to receive service. This seems to be the truer discipline of the Christian spirit and character.
5. In relation to the higher elements of the Christian life, to those elements which are distinctively Christian and spiritual, more depends upon the real character of the parents than upon anything besides. In relation to these the power of personal influence is supreme. If the parents really obey the will of Christ as their supreme law, if they accept His judgments about human affairs and about the ends of human life, if they live under the control of the invisible and eternal world, the children will know it, and are likely to yield to the influence of it. But if the parents, though animated by religious faith, are not completely Christian, if some of their most conspicuous habits of thought and conduct are not penetrated by the force of Christ’s spirit and teaching, the children are in great danger; they are as likely to yield to what is base and worldly in the life of their parents as to what is Divine. (R. W. Dale, LL. D.)
Parents and children
Family life has its origin with God. A more sacred position than that of father or mother it is impossible to occupy. And this because the highest revelation of God presents Him to us as a Parent. He is the Father of men. In every family, therefore, where love abounds and holy authority rules, there is a reflection of God. Then, further, according to a law of our Maker, children are a gift.
I. Try to estimate the worth of children. They are budding men and women.
II. Try to understand their individual characters. Careful study is needed for this. A family is a little world: each member of it has a personality of his or her own.
III. Try to appreciate the power of your influence. This can hardly be exaggerated, especially in the formative years of childhood. They are always learning from us, and being influenced by us. We can do nothing and say nothing but what leaves some kind of impression upon their young characters. We are their books, and they study US with keenest eyes, and reproduce us with a ludicrous accuracy.
IV. Try to recognize the limits of your authority.
1. It is bounded by the will of God.
2. It is limited by time. (Wm. Braden.)
Religious education
I. The nature of this duty.
1. Parents are required to impart to their children the instruction or wisdom of the Lord Jesus.
2. Parents must subject their children to the discipline of the Lord Jesus.
II. The importance of this duty. This may be proved from--
1. The state of prospects of the children themselves.
2. The circumstances and prospects of the Church of Christ. The hope of the Church in the future depends always upon the rising generation.
3. The state and necessities of the world at large.
III. The consistent, Christ-like temper in which these duties must be performed. (John Hannah, D. D.)
Christian parents
I. Caution.
1. Avoid harshness and severity of demeanour.
2. Do not overstrain the necessity of obedience.
3. Avoid the habit of constantly finding fault.
II. Counsel.
1. Exalt the Word of God. That must be the basis, foundation, rule and guide of everything. The great standard of right and wrong.
2. Exalt Christ.
3. Exalt the Spirit of God.
4. Maintain a godly jealousy of the world. (James Cohen, M. A.)
The nurture and admonition of the Lord
1. The first thing to consider is the basis of the culture--the Lord. To make a child understand fully what that means is the Alpha and Omega of Christian education. To train children of old in “the nurture and admonition of the Lord” was to teach them to comprehend the meaning and bearing of the great spiritual truths which the gospel brought into the world.
2. The next question concerns the method of the culture, which is described in the significant term, “the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Some have supposed that in the double term there is a reference to the dual parentage, and that it describes the blending of the manly and womanly influence in the rule and culture of the home. But the original hardly looks that way. Our Revised Version has it, “nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.” So that the word nurture in the Authorised Version in the original bears the sterner meaning; and refers to the discipline which comes through correction; while admonition suggests counsel, advice, reproof, exhortation, and all the intellectual and moral influences whereby a young soul may be trained for its work. It is wonderful how the fatherly and motherly influences blend in Christ; the tenderest nurture, the firmest correction, the sternest chastisement, in which no child can ever miss the love. (J. B. Brown, B. A.)
Religious teaching of the young
Theterms translated, “nurture and admonition,” were very familiar words to the Greeks. They were proud of their system of education, and, viewed from a moral point, they had reason to be so; their plans were admirably constituted for the development of the body, the culture of intellect, and the refining of the aristocratic taste in society. But between man and God there was the greatest deficiency: the vital deficiency was that which is supplied here by the apostle when he used these words, and said, “In the nurture and admonition of the Lord”; for it is Christianity alone which touches the mainspring of our nature, which brings all its parts into harmony with themselves, and restores, as a whole, man to the friendship and communion of God.
I. Look at some of the encouragement which we learn in the endeavour to bring them up to the Lord.
1. I would find encouragement in the general belief in a “Present God.” This may be said to be the starting point of a religious education.
2. We have in children comparative tenderness of conscience.
3. There is in children a comparatively prompt appreciation of the love of Christ. To a child it is not so difficult to believe in that complete self-abandonment for the good of others which was manifested in the Cross of Jesus Christ. He can more thoroughly understand in that early part of his life even than he can at a later period, when the shadows of the world are cast upon that Cross--can appreciate the love which prompted the giving Himself for us, and can return it far more than at any later period of his existence.
II. The means to be used for this purpose.
1. Instruction. It is knowledge, not ignorance, that is the mother of our devotion. We must seek, therefore, to illumine the understanding--to present to it those great objects of faith upon which the soul reposes.
2. Example. The instruction of the family is neither better nor worse than the conduct of its members: if the lessons are high and the conduct low, the effect will be low; if the lessons are imperfect, but the conduct excellent, the effect will be excellent.
3. These means must be applied and sustained in power by prayer. (C. M. Birrell.)
Parents and children
A parent is bound to his child by a tie which cannot be severed. He may delegate some of that work in which he is sure, intentionally or undesignedly, himself to bear so large a part, to tutors and governors, but he does not by that divest himself of his responsibility. This relationship is unalterable. It is not even affected by the conduct of the child. The bond is indestructible, and the duty as lasting as the bond.
I. The nature and extent of parental influence. It is evident that there is no relation in which a man exerts so much power for good or evil. There is no other from whom the child receives so many of the ideas, impressions, and habits, which are most abiding, as from his parents. The opinions which a man holds, the party with which he identifies himself, the friendships he cultivates, and the particular line of conduct he observes, all impress themselves on the mind of his child; and his views of them are affected partly by the feelings he has to his father, and partly by the opinions which they have had upon his father’s character and life. Very early is the observing power of the child awakened, and from the time that it is roused to consciousness every day adds something to its ever-increasing store. Words and looks, as well as actions, have their effect; and thus, unconsciously to themselves, the parents are constantly educating their children--educating them when they have no thought at all of the serious work which they are doing; when they are going on the way of life in their own accustomed course without recollecting that there are eager young eyes watching every movement, and listening young ears drinking in every word that is spoken, and impressible young hearts which are being trained to good or to evil by that which is thus passing before them.
II. The spirit and manner in which this responsibility should be discharged.
1. To make the unconscious influence which a man exerts a blessing, the one thing which is necessary is high-toned Christian principle. The power which goes forth from a man will be according to the spirit that is in him.
2. In the direct work of training, the first essential is that you should clearly set before your own mind the object which you have in view.
(1) Of course education by a Christian man must be religious, and distinctively Christian. And not only must this instruction be given, but wisely given--so that the religious lesson shall not be regarded as a mere task.
3. The exercise of authority is another of the means by which a parent may fulfil his duty. The one power on earth which is of Divine right in his. It is essential to the right government of the family and the proper discipline of the child. It meets him at the beginning of life with the idea, so necessary for all to realize, that in this world no human will is meant to be absolute and supreme, and that the first lesson--which everyone is to learn--is the difficult but necessary one of obedience.
3. No Christian parent will need to be reminded that he must pray for and with his children. (J. G. Begets, B. A.)
Jesus Christ the pattern, means, and end of parental training
“In the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The Lord brings up His disciples; He takes them at their new birth, and educates them; He instructs and teaches them, but He does more than this, He brings them up; He forms and developes a godly character; He conforms them, by discipline and training, to the Divine image; He leads His disciples into true manhood of soul and of life. There is a nurture and admonition which the Lord adopts, and which may, with immense advantage, be imitated by every parent. The Lord exhorts, warns, and restrains. There is nurture, and there is admonition, in the bringing up of Christ’s disciples by their Lord. He is not like Eli, who was chargeable with great neglect, because he did not restrain his sons when they made themselves vile. The Lord Jesus Christ does restrain His disciples. When they sin He corrects them, yet He does not always chide, neither does He keep His anger for ever. He leaves some faults to wear themselves out, and other faults to die under indirect influences; but He takes care that every fault comes under some destructive influence. The Lord teaches and trains partly by His own example. Hence, when He is spoken of under the similitude of a Shepherd, it is said of Him, that He goes before His disciples, leading them, by showing them the path in which they should walk--showing them, not by His lips merely, but showing them by His own steps. Further, the Lord unites with Himself, by trust and love, those whom He brings up. His influence over them is not through the understanding and the reason merely--not simply through the intellectual faculties--but by the heart. What a melancholy sight it is in families, to see children growing up like roots in dry ground. They have hold of nothing in the home, and nothing in the home has hold upon them; there is nothing there that is congenial, just because there is nothing genial--for the genial to early life will always be congenial. Brethren, speaking of “the nurture and admonition of the Lord” mentioned in the text, we may really call it the nurture and admonition which the Lord adopts. We do not say that Paul had this thought when he wrote; we think he had another thought, which we shall presently try to give you: but still the thought that we now suggest is inseparably associated with that which we shall presently suggest--and therefore the remarks we have been making appear to us to be quite to the point. And if you would bring up your children aright, just see how the Lord brings you up, and imitate your heavenly Educator. But, speaking textually, “the nurture and admonition of the Lord” is that which the Lord directs--it is that which has the Lord for its subject, and the Lord for its object. “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” means--Let your instruction and your training have the Lord’s teaching, the Lord’s warnings, the Lord’s doctrines, for their means, and the Lord Himself for their end. Let the Lord be the end of education; and let the Lord’s resources be the means of education. And will you also observe that both parents are charged--for the word “fathers” is used here, not in the specific sense, but in the generic sense: so that we may read the passage, “Ye parents, train up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The day was, when the mother had nothing, or very little, to do directly with instruction and education. But so soon as the position of the wife and the mother was improved and righted, so soon as she stood in her proper place by the side of the husband and father, then the father began to give her an undue share of the responsibility in bringing up the children. And what do we see now? We see the mother in many cases doing the whole work, and the father most grievously and sinfully neglecting it. This is not right. In the first place there is something due to the mother, and to the wife; why should she take a greater burden than she is able to bear? In the next place there is something due to the children. Look, further, at the common danger to parents that is here recognized--the abuse of power. The power of a parent is very great; and there is very little to check it; even the State does little here, unless the abuse of power be extraordinary. The power of a parent is, as we scarcely need remind you, almost unbounded. Do you see that the text recognizes the danger of this power being abused? “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” Power, more than anything else, tempts to cruelty; it is an exceedingly dangerous thing to possess--and no man in his senses will ever covet it; he will rather ask God to give him very little of it, than desire to possess it. Those who have right views of power will never be ambitious for it: but they will rather, like some of the old prophets (like Jeremiah, for instance), tremble to take it even when God puts it into their hands. We often see power make the most tender natures cruel, and the most gentle natures fierce. How often have women been rendered cruel by an increase of authority, and an increase of influence! There is danger to parents of caprice, and harshness; of giving commands, and precepts, and prohibitions, for the sake of maintaining their position, and of upholding their authority. And that is the point of the words, “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up.” The child is to be nourished; it is not to be driven--it is to be cherished; it is not to be forced. The incitement and the impulsion which are likely to distress and dishearten the child, are distinctly forbidden in the text. The force of the contrast must be manifest to you in a moment. The bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, is placed in contrast with provoking them to wrath. The child’s faults are to be corrected; but still, correction is to be so administered as not to sink the child into despondency, or drive him to despair--as not to wean the heart of the child either from father or from mother. And the education required is to be marked, as you will have seen throughout the course of these remarks, by the following features. The Lord Jesus, the Son of God, is to be its end. Children are to brought up for the Lord; for subjects in His kingdom; that is to be the ultimate end. Christ’s teaching is to be the means of education. The precepts and the prohibitions that are to regulate the general conduct are to be taken from Christ’s lips, and are to be delivered to the child in Christ’s name. Christ’s resources are to be the support of education. The parent is not supposed to be able himself to do this work; but there are put at his disposal the unsearchable riches of Christ; and if he cannot nourish his children with that which he has, he may nourish them by the wealth of his Master and Lord. The education required is to have Christ’s example for its standard--the parent is to: “bring up” as Christ brings up His followers. And it is to have Christ’s temper for its spirit--the educator must be meek and lowly in heart. (S. Martin, D. D.)
The father’s charge
I. The duties which parents owe to their children.
1. Children are weak and helpless, and totally incapable of caring for themselves; and hence arises the first duty which parents owe them--that of feeding and clothing them.
2. Children are ignorant, and without understanding; hence they should not only be fed, but taught. Children should be taught--
(1) Early.
(2) Familiarly.
(3) Affectionately.
(4) Extensively.
3. Children are unruly, and therefore must; be governed.
4. Children are prone to evil, and therefore must be restrained.
II. The obligations which parents are under to practise those duties.
1. They should do it for their own sake. For the credit of their own characters.
2. They should do it for their children’s sake.
3. They should do it for society’s sake.
4. They should do it for God’s sake.
Conclusion:
1. Learn how careful the apostles were to instruct their converts, not only in the matters of faith, but rules of conduct descending even to the most particular duties of domestic life.
2. The practicability of a religious education.
3. How awful is the responsibility of parents. (Theological Sketchbook.)
The duty of Christian parents
I. The tie that binds the parent to his child. It is one of the most affecting of all ties. But see the deep responsibility connected with it--to say nothing of the closeness, the tenderness, and the unchangeableness of the tie--my bone, and my flesh, and my blood.
II. But observe the exhortation that is here given. At first sight it seems a sort of strange exhortation to parents, “not to provoke their children to wrath.” Yet there is infinite love and infinite wisdom in it; because of the very love that parents have for their children. Observe, they are not exhorted to love their children; that is not the exhortation given to them. It is supposed that they love their children; and yet, though they love their children, they may “provoke them to wrath.” Because there may be, and often is, an exhibition of love that does “provoke them to wrath.” Oh! beloved, a system of perpetual, endless, unrequired, austere restriction does it; a perpetual restriction, in which there is a practical forgetfulness of the parent’s duty to make his children happy. Beware of a system of perpetually finding fault. This results from the other; if there be a system of perpetual restriction in all things. But now let us come to that which is the precept before us. “But,” says he, instead of doing so, “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” “Bring them up”--the same word occurs in the twenty-ninth verse of the former chapter; it is the same as “nourish.” It implies all tenderness, all feeling with, all feeling for, all care, all gentleness, and all love. “Bring them up”: just as you nourish your own flesh, caring for its life, for its welfare, and its true well-being--so “bring them up.” “Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Here are two points for our consideration. Here is, first of all, the bringing them up, instructing them in Divine truth; and then there is educating them in Divine things. First of all, to instruct them in Divine truth. And this, too, not in a dictatorial way, as a schoolmaster teaches his lessons; but as a father should teach his children. A “good minister” is one who is “nourished up in the words of faith, and of good doctrine.” Nourished up, by little and little, just as he is able to bear it. Besides this, beloved, there is in education--and there can hardly be, I should think, a greater mistake than to suppose that instruction in the truth, and education, mean the same things--there is in education the “bringing up” of a child in those principles in which he has been instructed out of God’s Word. (J. H. Evans, M. A.)
Early religious instruction
When a lady once told Archbishop Sharpe that she would not communicate religious instruction to her children until they had attained the years of discretion, the shrewd prelate replied, “Madam, if you do not teach them, the devil will!” (J. Whitecross.)
Training children
Be very vigilant over thy child in the April of his understanding, lest the frost of May nip his blossoms, While he is a tender twig, straighten him; whilst he is a new vessel, season him; such as thou makest him, such commonly shalt thou find him. Let his first lesson be obedience, and his second shall be what thou wilt. Give him education in good letters, to the utmost of thy ability and his capacity. Season his youth with the love of his Creator, and make the fear of his God the beginning of his knowledge. If he have an active spirit, rather rectify than curb it; but reckon idleness among his chiefest faults. As his judgment ripens, observe his inclination, and tender him a calling that shall not cross it. Forced marriages and callings seldom prosper. Show him both the mow and the plough; and prepare him as well for the danger of the skirmish, as possess him with the honour of the prize. (F. Quarles.)
Correction of children
By directing a child’s attention to a fault, and thus giving it a local habitation and a name, you may often fix it in him more firmly; when, by drawing his thoughts and affections to other things, and seeking to foster an opposite grace, you would be much more likely to subdue it. In like manner a jealous disposition is often strengthened when notice is taken of it, while the endeavour to cherish a spirit of love would do much toward casting it out. (Hare.)
The time for religious education
Seize the opportunity while it lasts, before the child is inured to evil, and the sinful habit is formed. Act like the skilful physician, who tells you to apply for medical aid while the disease is in its incipient state, and not to delay until the malady has seized upon the vital organs, and is out of the reach of medicine. Now is the time to apply the moral medicine (for there is balm in Gilead, end there is a Physician there), and let it be so applied as that it work freely in these young hearts, for their healing and salvation. (Dr. R. Newton.)
Youth is the best season for communicating knowledge
If, for instance, you wish your son to learn a business, you send him to acquire it in the period of his youth; if languages are to be mastered, you admit the advantage of beginning them while young; and so it is with trades and professions. Now, men know this, and act accordingly in matters relating to this life. And shall men of this world be “wiser in their generation than the children of li
