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This Chapter Verse Commentaries:
NASB (UPDATED) TEXT: Col_3:18-21
18Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
Col_3:18 "Wives, be subject to your husbands" This is a present middle imperative. When the word of Christ (i.e., the Spirit-filled life, cf. Eph_5:18) indwells a believer it impacts every area of life! The parallels are Eph_5:21-22; Tit_2:5; 1Pe_3:1, but remember Colossians was written first. Ephesians expresses the universal principle of submission for all believers in Eph_5:21 (present middle participle) and uses the Christian home as a three-fold domestic example of how the "Spirit-filled" life works in daily life: (1) husbands-wives, Eph_5:22-31; (2) parents-children, epg 6:1-4 and (3) masters-slaves, Eph_6:5-9. This discussion seems negative to us today, but in its day it was strikingly positive. The three groups that had total cultural control (husbands, parents, and slave masters) are equally admonished as were those with no civic power or rights (wives, children, and slaves). This selfless mandate is an example of the reversal of the Fall. What a difference Christ makes. See Special Topic: Submission (hupotassô) at Eph_5:21.
Col_3:18-19 In this context and its parallels, submission was between married couples, not men and women in general. The principle of male headship is stated throughout the Bible, from Genesis 3 onward. However, Christian male headship is characterized by, and commanded (present active imperative) to be, sacrificial, self-giving, Christlike love (cf. Eph_5:25; Eph_5:28-29). Headship in the NT is servanthood (cf. Mat_20:25-27; Mat_23:11) with Christ as the model.
In our day "submission" is a negative, sexist term. Originally it was a military term that related to obedience based on the chain of command. In the NT, however, it was often used of Jesus' attitude toward His earthly parents (cf. Luk_2:51) and His heavenly Father (cf. 1Co_15:28). Paul was fond of this term and used it 23 times. Eph_5:21 shows it is a universal spiritual principle connected to the Spirit-filled life. Submission goes against our cultural, western, individual focused mind-set. Selfishness is so ingrained (cf. Rom_12:10; Gal_5:13; Php_2:3; 1Jn_4:11)! See Special Topic: Submission at Eph_5:21.
▣ "as is fitting in the Lord" The Ephesian parallel has "as to the Lord." The TEV translates the phrase as "for that is what you should do as Christians" (cf. Col_3:20). Believers should treat others in loving, submitting ways not because others deserve it, but because they are Christians (cf. Col_3:23-23). The Spirit allows fallen mankind to redirect his self-centeredness into others-centeredness, as Jesus did (cf. 2Co_5:14-15; 1Jn_3:16).
Col_3:19
NASB "and do not be embittered against them"
NKJV "and do not be bitter toward them"
NRSV "and never treat them harshly"
TEV "and do not be harsh with them"
NJB "and do not be sharp with them"
This is a present middle imperative with a negative particle, which usually means to stop an act in process. "You, yourselves, stop being bitter." There is no direct parallel to the phrase in Ephesians 5, but 3:28-29 express the same truth in a positive sense. In the biblical context of "one flesh" (cf. Genesis 2) marriages in which husbands treat their wives in loving ways, they bless themselves and vise versa. Loving one's spouse is, in one sense, loving oneself. In the Christian home our love for family reflects our love for God and is a powerful witness to a confused and hurting lost world.
Col_3:20 "Children, be obedient" This is a present active imperative, "continue to be obedient." In Eph_6:1-4, this mandate is expanded to relate to Exo_20:12 and Deu_5:16, "Honor your father and mother." In this context, "for this is well pleasing to the Lord" relates the command to Christian children.
Notice that children are commanded to be obedient, but wives are commanded to submit. In both cases it is Christian families that are addressed. One issue that is difficult to reconcile between this and our day is "How old are children?" In Jewish culture a boy became responsible to the Law and was marriageable at age thirteen, a girl at twelve. In Roman culture a boy became a man at age fourteen and in Greek culture at age eighteen.
Col_3:21 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" This is a present active imperative with a negative particle which means stop an act in process, "stop exasperating your children." The reciprocal responsibility is clear (cf. Eph_6:4).
There has always been a generational barrier. Christians (both parents and children) should handle relationships differently because of their ultimate commitment to Christ. Paul's discussion of the appropriate relationships in the home were radically different from the cultural norm of his day. Paul directly addressed the person with cultural power and authority (husbands, parents, and slave masters) and admonished them to treat those under them (wives, children, and domestic servants) with dignity and Christian love (much like Philemon). Believers are stewards of God, not owners! How we treat each other is meant to demonstrate the new age to a lost world.